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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I need tips on how to talk to my son and activities I can do

Resolved Question:

I need tips on how to talk to my son and activities I can do with him
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.
-Could you explain your situation a little more?
How old is your son? what types of issues are you having with him that you are having difficulty communicating? Please provide more detail so I can support you.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Oh, I am sorry. I was talking to somebody else before and and I thought it was the same person.

My son is 14 in 9th grade. He doesn't like school and he is skipping classes or going late. He wants to be with his friends all the time and he is very easy to follow bad directions.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.
If you would like to get back to that other expert...I will try and help. Can you look to see who it was so I can get you back there?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.
You were working with Jordan1314.
re list your question and put for Jordan1314 at the beginning of your question.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for requesting me. What are the issues that you need to discuss with you son? Do you want your son to hang around a better choice of friends? Are you a single parent? What does your son do in his free time? Does he like sports or video games? What does the school do about skipping classes? Is your son receiving any counseling? By any chance, do you attend church? Thanks!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
he likes football and basketball but he only wants to play with his friends. School does in school suspention or community services but he does and no complains. sometimes I go to church but his dad goes every saturday so he will be going with him. I am a single parent but his dad helps. No he is not receiving counseling. his school is supposed to be testing him to see what kind of help he needs.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello...thank you for responding. I will have an answer for you shortly as I am still pondering your issues. :)
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Will have your answer very soon.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello my friend. Parenting is a learning experience. Parents will not
always be perfect. You must use trial and error to discover which
techniques work best with your teen. You have the right to use
authority, set rules and limits, and decide what behavior is acceptable
or not. Unfortunately, no parent has the ability to truly control
their teen. So control is not the goal. A parent's aim is to
influence their teens and teach them self control. Teens are people
too and deserve to be treated with respect even though their behavior
may be undesirable.

Your son is at a stage in his life in which he thinks his way is the
right way no matter what you will say. He is only trying to assert his
independence and wants to feel in control of everything. You appear to
be a very concerned and caring mother. I applaud you for that,
especially as a single mother dealing with such issues. I understand
that you would like better ways to communicate with your son. Pick a
time of day that you are both free from distractions and do not have to
rush off anywhere. Express your concerns in an honest and truthful
way. Speak in a respectful manner. Then allow your son to express
his concerns. If possible , his dad can be present as well. Tell
your son that he needs to take more responsibility for his actions and
be held accountable for his undesirable behavior. Create a
contract/list of the rules he must follow. Then with your son's input,
create acceptable rewards and consequences that you all agree upon.
Your son will feel like he is still in control but that is perfectly
fine. You have discussed rules, rewards , and consequences with him.
He needs to know what you expect.
Hopefully your son will be receptive and open and want to discuss such
important issues. If he just brushes you and his dad off and is
withdrawn from communicating, then you must employ the services of an
outside professional to break through to your son.

I have a feeling that the biggest problem is the friends that your son
hangs around with. You cannot select the friends for your son. You
can encourage him to make better choices. He may do better if he had a
change of schools or possibly live with his dad.

Nonetheless, see if you can have THE TALK with your son as I mentioned
above. If that does not go well, let me know. We will go from there.

Have a blessed day.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for your tips. they are really helpful and I will put them in place and hopufully I will see some results.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
You are most welcome. Have a great day! Feel free to request me, Jordan1314, anytime.
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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