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I have had the most awful day with my 7 (nearly 8) year old

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son today. I'm not well...
I have had the most awful day with my 7 (nearly 8) year old son today. I'm not well and consequently had to cancel an operation tomorrow, so am pretty low, but nevertheless, it's been a day that's left me feeling more than miserable. He's rude, defiant, breaks rules constantly, answers back, seems to take delight in making me feel miserable - at least today. It's not always this bad, but today, I feel like running away from him!
Submitted: 5 years ago.Category: Parenting
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Answered in 56 minutes by:
2/13/2012
Parenting Counselor: Dr. L, Psychologist replied 5 years ago
Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1,168
Experience: Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
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Dr Levang :

Hello,

Dr Levang :

I'm sorry that your not feeling well and that you've had a horrible, ugly day.

Dr Levang :

It sounds like you are using good parenting strategies: - clear rules, reward charts, and so forth.

Dr Levang :

Maybe it's time for some new parenting "tricks".

Dr Levang :

The very best book on parenting that I recommend is:

Dr Levang :

Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Kline and Jim Fay. It has a very straightforward approach to parenting and is easy to follow. And..best of all...it works!!!

Dr Levang :

You can go to their website, buy on-line, or get from your local bookstore.

Dr Levang :

The book - and their methods - are a lifesaver. Please check out their website for additional ideas and materials.

Dr Levang :

Kids know how to push our buttons - and sometimes it's more than frustrating. I'm sorry today is so miserable.

Dr Levang :

Please check out their website and I know you will feel better knowing that there are solid answers out there for you.

Dr Levang :

Dr. Levang

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Parenting Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 5 years ago
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3,687
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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Isn't it amazing how they just know when and how to push our buttons? I see all that you have tried with him and i suggest you go back to an earlier time such as when he was two. When a tantrum would ensue we suggest completely ignoring the behavior so that he isn't getting the negative attention. I would suggest the same now. Try ignoring it all and not engaging with him. Turn and walk away. Let me know your thoughts.
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Thank you for your responses. I do understand that sometimes his behaviour is attention seeking and it would be best to ignore it! And sometimes, I have succeeded in doing this, but it drives him crazy and he's more likely to become destructive, which he has done in the past. I wondered whether what was going on at the moment was partly a hormonal thing? I know that I have to keep a check on my anger when on days like yesterday, I could quite cheerfully have throttled him! Any tips on that would be gratefully received.
Parenting Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 5 years ago
If you are concerned about safety of himself or belongings or others then put him in a place where he can't get hurt. A quiet and pillow filled room...until he can calm down.
Not sure whether it is hormonal or him just asserting himself and testing his independence. I know how hard it is to ignore, but please try while keeping him safe.
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Parenting Counselor: Dr. L, Psychologist replied 5 years ago

Hello,

You asked about tips on keeping your anger in check on days when your son's behavior is especially challenging to you. The first step in changing your approach is to realize what emotions you are experiencing. When that emotion is anger, then it would be helpful for you to take a few moments to relax and work to calm yourself. Deep breathing or a relaxation technique can help in this regard. Once you have yourself calmed, you will be better able to deal with your son's behavior.

 

Sometimes, it is helpful to be direct with the child by saying, "Mommy needs to calm down. Would you help by taking some deep breathes with me?"

 

I want to repeat what I wrote in my earlier post. A terrific book on parenting that will help you immensely is "Parenting with Love and Logic". This book helps you see that consequences can become the teacher rather than a frustrated mom.The book also stresses that parents' job isn't to prevent kids from making mistakes, but rather to help children learn from their mistakes. I urge you to get this book. It's a real life saver!

 

Dr. Levang

 

 

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Parenting Counselor: Dr. L, Psychologist replied 5 years ago

Good Morning,

I'm just checking in to see if you saw my post!

 

I hope today is a good day!

Dr. Levang

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Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Thank you for your further comments and the book suggestion. I bought it last night online so am hoping for delivery very soon! I'll let you know if it helps!
Parenting Counselor: Dr. L, Psychologist replied 5 years ago

Terrific!

Dr. Levang

Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
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