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Out of Control 17 year old

I have a seventeen year...
I have a seventeen year old daughter who is totally out of control. She will not help around the house or take her school work seriously at all. She is verbally abusive to me and my husband. Additonally she is treats her brother who is 15 and her other sister who is 13 like crap. Over the Christmas hour there was a major fight because she wanted to spend Christmas with her boyfriend and his family. I did not want to let her go but my husband said just let her go so that maybe we could have a nice Christmas with our other 2 children. The reason I did not want to do that is that both sets of Grandparents came for Christmas. However my husband said just let her go so I reluctantly agreed. Both sets of grandparents were ver hurt by this. When I tried to tell my daughter how sad they were she said she did not give a sh---. Now she want to go live with her boyfriend who is 18. I don't want to let her but my husband says he cant take this anymore and to just let her go He says if I don't agree to this is going to leave me. The thing is I have not work in over 20 years and really do not have skills to get a job. Do I just let her go or do I stick to my guns and keep up with the discipline or just let her go. I wanted to add she does not refer to us and mom and dad she refers to us as bitch and bastered. Please tell me want to do I am totally lost. As a final note my other two children say they want her gone. My huband says if she does improve or leave he will be moving out on February 1
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Answered in 5 hours by:
1/25/2012
proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1,374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems with your daughter. How long has she acted this way? How long has she been with her boyfriend? Thanks!
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

This has been going since the age of 15.This was before the boyfriend I just would like to ask you if I should go along with my husband or should I just sign the permission to marry like my husband wants to and let her go. My husband has just informed me if I don't do this he will walk out because he can't take anymore and sue for custody of the two children. What would you suggest.

 

My daughter and I just had another fight and she called me an f----bitch and a whore. She just called her two siblings a----holes and my husband and f---prick. After that my husband opened the front door and said please get out just get out. I don't think doing that with a 17 year old is the best. My husband says she needs to experience life with out our help and maybe that will snap her into reality. Please give me some guidance .

 

I have not worked in 20 years and if he leaves I don't know what we will do

Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Follow up she has been with the boyfriend for 9 months. Just want more thing when my husband said please get out just get out her response was with f----pleasure and she filpped the bird at us

When will your daughter turn 18? Do you rely on your husband to financially support the family?
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Do you jointly own your house? Do relatives near close by?
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago
She will be 18 in 8 months and yes he is my only means of support. I have also had medical problems and he just told me again if I don't support him and sign the papers to let her get married he will get a lawyer and sue for custody of the two children. He says he does not care what she does anymore. He said the only thing he is going to demand from her is she give the car back that is in our name that we paid for and not let her take any of her bedroom furniture that we paid for. She is with this guy right now and my husband says if she wants to spend the night at this guys house he is not fighting it. He says I have 24 hours to make my decision. He says letting her out on her own will snap her into reality. He also says if and it does not work out for her once she leaves if she wants to come back he is going to demand the following: He is demanding a formal apology from infront of the entire family (that includes extented family), She has to go to anger management, She will have to pay room and board and go to anger management. My mother and stepdad just advised me to let her go. I am so afraid what will hapen to her if we do that. My mom said I need to remember I have two other children that need to be taken into consideration
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

I am so depressed right now and so sad I just want this to work out. I just called her on her cell and begged her to come home and she said f----off and go to hell. When that my husband said to me you can't get blood out of a stone

 

Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Just my mom and stepdad but thier apartment is too small for us. They lived on a fixed income. My best friend sho is like a sister to me really does not have room at her place. I have a heart condition and really can't take care of myself. I have no real job expierience and going to school myself. My husband keeps saying to me that letting her do this will snap her into reality. I am afraid by the time that happens it will be too late
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
My 15 year old son is angry with me right now because I am reluctant to let her go. He has been crying saying he can't stand living with her anymore and want me to let her go.
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
I am so sorry to keep bothering I am desperate and torn
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
If deposited more money if could could give me some more answers that woudl be great
I do feel your pain. She is your daughter and you will worry about her no matter what she is doing. Your husband has desired to show your daughter what is known as tough love. Your daughter is causing too much emotional distress in the house for everyone. It is straining your marriage. You need your husband. Your family needs to stay intact with the other children. Your daughter has no respect for anyone. Let her leave. She will see the harsh realities of the real world. The good part is that she has rules made by your husband already set in place that she must follow if she decides to return. You need peace in your household. Do not let your daughter destroy your marriage. If your daughter does leave, please seek professional family counseling. You cannot continue to live like this. Save your marriage. Allow your other children to live without fear. Have the faith that this stage will pass. Things happen for a reason. It may be hard to understand now, but take it one day at a time. Your daughter will not change now. You cannot force her. She will only change on her own accord. Give her space. Time heals all wounds.

Please take care of yourself.
proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1,374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
Verified
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

That is what I am going to do it is sad but hopefully she will be okay and grow up. I am going to tell her if she does pack and leave these are the ultimatums. I hope it works ot fo her. We are going into counseling.

You deserve all the happiness and peace in the world, Mom!!!!!!!
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago
I forgot to thank you and my son Damian says thank you also
Request me anytime!

:)
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proexpert37
proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1,374
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