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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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i have 90% of the time a beautiful caring daughter whom im

Customer Question

i have 90% of the time a beautiful caring daughter whom im very proud of, but that 10% i find difficult to cope with.Sometimes when i tell her off or repremand her she gets extremely angry and pushes me continuosly, this can last till i crack and shout back.Our arguments get agressive as she will not leave me and follows me round our very small home.Im so upset afterwards that it gets to this and so is she but we cannot find a solution even after school help.Im scared and hurt please help, with thanx julie x
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for consulting Just Answer. How old is your daughter? How does she perform academically at school? Have you ever had a good relationship with her? What are her friends like? Thanks!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
she is 11 and has had temper issues since she started school, she is extremely bright and excelling at school.she doesnt have tantrums with any1 except me and my parents,her friends are very fickle and they seem to battle to be popular or to push people out of groups, we are extremely close as i say most of the time tiredness seems the key but i dont know how to difuse things, i have managed to get the battles down from every day to every 3months or so x
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Have there been any recent major life changes for your daughter? What grade is she in? You are a single mom? How long have you been away from dad?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
no changes yes im on my own, have been seperated 8yrs, yr 6
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Ok...I will give this some thought and reply ASAP.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for responding. When your daughter becomes angry, you might suggest that she write her angry feelings down in a beautiful journal that you purchase just for her. She may also enjoy drawing a picture of how she is feeling. This will relieve some stress. Then she can share the journal with you and you can discuss her thoughts when everybody is calm. Make sure when she is frustrated, you remain calm. Also, see if you can uncover the root cause of her problem. Is she being bullied at school? Does she want a better relationship with dad? Something is really bothering her. Additionally, you may want to seek a referral from her pediatrician to see a child psychologist. Your daughter may need to learn coping and intervention strategies in learning how to respond appropriately to life's challenges. You do need additional assistance. Even the school psychologist can help!

Have a wonderful day!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
there is no way she would be able to write things down she cannot even calm down, ill keep plodding thanx for trying
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
My goal is to assist you with your daughter's problem. Since your daughter has become violent with you and does not seem to fear you, then you must seek outside professional assistance. It is not normal for an 11 year old to be physically abusive. Maybe she is being bullied herself at school. Maybe things are happening at dad's house that are upsetting to her. She is taking her frustrations out on you. Something is obviously triggering her tantrums. Therefore, seek a referral from your daughter's pediatrician to a psychologist who can thoroughly evaluate your daughter and provide her with intervention and coping strategies. There is not much you can do by yourself but remain calm during her tantrums and try talking to her when she has settled down. She is full of rage and anger for a reason. It is not your fault. Please seek help as soon as you can.
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  lifecoach28 replied 5 years ago.
Customer sometimes children do this type of behavior because they want affection or consideration of their wants. If this is the case then the key would be to attempt to meet her needs that are not being met. First you would have to find out what might be causing her to get so upset with you and your mom. You could ask her or the people she confides in. It would be easier to get this information from her during a time when you are not arguing. At that time she should be calm enough to think about what she needs and describe it to you well. On the other hand, you could try to cover several things she need during the time between arguments. For example, you could give her more one-on-one time with her or use some of her suggestions about how the home should be decorated. You could also try looking in her eyes while she tells you about her friends and her day. That eye to eye contact proves to a person that they are important. Do these suggestions seem to fit the situation? If not, let me know and I can give more suggestions. Also, I am here to help you along the way if you decide to try one of my suggestions. Keep up the good work with being concerned about your daughter.