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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Hi, My son is nine years old I am at my wits end with him,

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Hi, My son is nine years old I am at my wits end with him, every time he is asked to do anything that he can't straight out do he just cries and gets himself in a frenzie he has been like it all the time and I have tried everything from breathing to time out but he will not just try.his school has tried different things too.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for consulting Just Answer. About how long has your son been acting this way? Are both parents living in the home? Is your son an only child? Have there been any major recent life changes for your son? Does your son have any friends? What does he do in his spare rime? Thank you in advance for your responses!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi , He has always been this way, sometimes worse than others, yes both parents at home, he is the eldest of 4(2 brothers then a sister),No to the major changes, yes he has friends but no so called best friend,(he had a best friend at school in kindy and year1 then the friend left.they are no longer in contact.) In his spare time he rides motorbike an pushbike or plays with his siblings most of the time well. His brother is only 15months younger so they are quite close most of the time.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Does your son cry because he can't have his way or because he physically cannot do the actions? Does he respect authority when he is in a frenzy? Does he have a good relationship with dad? Is he a perfectionist? Dos he do well at school? Just to cover all bases...does he have ADD or autism? Thanks!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
The first question is hard to answer, I'd have to say yes to both in different situations, if he is asked to do something he dosen't want to do he will just cry mental or physical, but on the other hand if he can't start his motorbike striaght away when he wants to he cries. He is physically capable. I'd have to say yes he does respect authority. Yes he does have a good relationship with his dad. His dad is a perfectionist in what he wants to do, and I think my son is a bit like that too. No he dos not do well at school his new teacher has tried teaching him the lesson privatly first then taking him back to the class situation and teaches the lesson again to try and boost his confidence, I don't think it has worked at all, I think he did better with a previous teacher that was more firmer with him, but im no proffesional so I don't really know. He has not been tested for ADD or autism, I have asked my GP he thinks he is just an emotional child and will grow out of it. I was thinking it might be aspergers.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for responding. It could be
that this tearful reaction is simply really well established, and an
automatic response to challenging situations. You could try talking to
your son again when there is a quiet moment between you. Let him know
that although it is not wrong to be emotional at times, there are other
ways he could react to everyday situations. Maybe try to get him to
come up with ideas himself, such as taking deep breaths or withdrawing
from the situation for a moment to compose himself. You could also
encourage him to keep a regular journal. Writing things down might help
to prevent tension from building up and then spilling out in tears.

There is also the option of asking him what he thinks his friends might
think when he keeps crying, but I would urge you to trust your own
instincts about this. I realize that you may not think it is
appropriate to put further fears and worries into his mind and I am
only giving this to you as a suggestion. On the other hand, if his
friends thought less of him, it might inspire him to act differently.

Maybe you can try putting him on a team sport in which he has to work together with others to achieve a common goal. Find something that is not too difficult for him but something that he will enjoy. This will help build up his self esteem.

Also at school, just try to finish up the year as best as you can. You can always discuss your son's emotional concerns and lack of academic progress with the school psychologist. He/she can give your son some intervention and coping strategies. The teacher that he has this year just may not be a good match.

Additionally if your husband is a perfectionist, he may be too hard on your son and should ease up a little.

Hope this provides you with some insight!

Have a great day!
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