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Yes, he's on punishment now. But when I'm not around he just does stuff like he's not even on punishment.
After reading your post I would say you need to take about 5 steps backwards. You need to start by having a long talk with your son. The talk should go something like this. Son I love you and know it is difficult for you especially when I away at work. I would explain to him that if I could I wouldn't work so far away and would be home more than I am now. Then explain to him that you are not in a place to change these circumstances. Then I would approach the changes you hope to see in a team format. Tell him that you and he are a team and you need to work together. You will have to be willing to give him some decision making during this process. I would ask him flat out why he totally disregards XXXXX XXXXX doesn't behave in the way you ask. I would then ask him about how he thinks the house should run. Take notes on both of these questions. Some what a brainstorming session. Write down what you expect as well. Once all the information is on paper start discussing what you both have to have. For example it is a must that he do his homework right after school and you must be available during your time at home for him. I would then make a set of house rules from the discussion and post those in the house and on his phone if he has one. I suggest also setting consequences for him if he chooses to break one of the house rules. I would also discuss his friends and his choice of who he is around who are influencing him. I think maybe he needs to add some more friends (notice I don't say get rid of the ones he has now) so that he has some better influences to be around. I would also suggest getting him involved in some sort of after school or weekend activities where he would have a chance to gain some confidence as this too will add to his self respect as well as respect for you.
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