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KaterB1270, Teacher
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 142
Experience:  BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
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My son is 18 and drives. He was out last night till late, and

Customer Question

My son is 18 and drives. He was out last night till late, and we woke up this morning to find a couple of eggs thrown all over our front door. This is not the first time, and he won't tell us who is responsible. I am pretty sure I know - an old girlfriend who is still hassling him after a break-up 2 years ago with a few personality issues, (ethnic, mother is single, father a convicted criminal, massively insecure, could possibly have medical mental circumstances) My son is not wayward by any means, pretty good actually, holds down a job, looks people in the eye etc. He is probably just a bit too sociable, is adventurous and likes to be out and about but can wind up interacting with other young people of varied backgrounds, parentage and potential for the future. The ex-girlfriend is a case in point. My wife insists that I do something, as opposed to just let my son handle and it and let it blow over. When it happened it was the middle of the night, my wife and female daughter heard it and were quite frightened. Fact is I can see her point - it may not have been the ex-girlfriend, but a couple of low life with some sort of beef with my son, and one side of me would like to get my hands on whoever it was and give them a message. However, once a male child reaches a certain age, a parent needs to be careful how they deal with threatening or problematic behaviour in his associations. In similar instances I have been torn between intervening and imposing my will on a negative situation, and allowing my son to resolve things in his own way. However, this is our front door, and my wife and daughter were genuinely concerned with the noises in the middle of the night. It seems unfair to punish my son as it isn't technically his fault. However I could use punishment to make him tell me who it was. This will inevitably mean his standing in his social group will suffer, and there may be other adverse consequences for him that I can't predict or control. As far as my suspicions are concerned, I am obviously reluctant to communicate directly with the girl's mother, as we have no relationship whatsoever, and my experience in the past is that this kind of engagement just reflects badly on your own child in their social group, and can often make it worse. Not to mention if I am wrong and it isn't her daughter that is responsible you can imagine how that will be received. Should I make my son tell me who did it, and if he does, should I turn up on their door step and suggest they might think twice before doing it again? Regards xxxxx
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for consulting Just Answer. Since you are not completely certain who is throwing the eggs, do not accuse anybody yet. To put a little fear in your son, tell him that you feel it is necessary to take him down the local police department to provide any information that he knows. He may actually fess up before you need to take him there to file a report. If you can afford it, maybe install a security camera that records. Some actions need to be taken to protect the emotional security of your wife and daughter and your sanity.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
So once he tells me who is responsible what then?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
You can file a report with the police. It would not be a wise idea for you to confront the offenders because people can become so unpredictable these days. You need to try to keep your distance from then offenders.
Expert:  KaterB1270 replied 5 years ago.

I would once again ask your son who had thrown the eggs. If he said he didn't know again I would continue to ask if he is just protecting someone that he either cares about or worries will retaliate. I think if you do confront someone (whomever it may be) it may backfire in more ways than one. I think if you confront the ex-girlfriend by your description she will continue to cause more problems. If it is a friend/acquaintance of your sons he may suffer socially. I would probably hold tight for now and see if anything else takes place. I think your wife and daughter will come to realize after a while it wasn't a big deal and as unfortunate as it may be teens will be teens and pranks and practical jokes are all part of the game.




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Expert:  KaterB1270 replied 5 years ago.
I just wanted to follow up with you and see if I was of any assistance to you or if you needed any additional information. Please feel free to ask if anything seems unclear to you. Thanks, Kate