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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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hi jordan, still having issues with my daughter heather. hope

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hi jordan, still having issues with my daughter heather. hope i can still talk with you...take care and god bless always, diane
Hello...nice to hear from you again. Could you refresh my memory again about your situation as I answer numerous questions daily :). Thank you!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
glad to see ur here! heather is 21, full time college student, has a part time job she has not been happy with but not much work opportunity here. she knows i am not happy here, but recently said i will not b able to move away very soon like i would like to. she would have nowhere to live and can't afford to have a rent herself. this week she mentioned being with her boyfriend [of 5 1/2 yrs] and his family [her second family] for christmas eve and day because 'we don't do anything, i don't even wrap gifts [not true, just don't wrap b-day gifts] and doesn't like to b around her dad a lot [he irritates her]. i told her i didn't expect she would b with us much, and do what she wants [she will anyway]. i told her i have pretty much given up with parenting her as she is 21 and will continue to do what she wants anyway. she told me to get a sex toy as she is sexually active and [as she put it] i don't have much luck in the romance dept. not with anyone, but it doesn't last.....i would like a man in my life, but i can't make anyone go out with me. have been hurt so much in the past i pray god's direction and ask him to send me someone. i am a christian woman and want a christian man with things in common, but i guess it is just not meant to b. i listen to my christian music and think of the very attractive yet younger and untouchable artists i love their music. i swear i have lost it!!! this is pathetically sad and i take antidepressents by Rx, talk with my family when i can and try not to cry much, but still remain unhappy. i am very happy heather found a very nice awesome great guy! his family considers them part of their family. ok, novel is long enough for now...LOL
I need to step out if the office for a bit but will answer your question promptly upon my return. :)
I have not forgotten about you. I am going to look up your original concerns as well.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i know you have not forgotten about with u soon.
Hello Diane. So it sounds like you did not move to be by your family...correct? Does Heather still live with you? Has she ever considered living with her boyfriend? Why is Heather so negative about your relationships? Chat with you soon.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi jordan. no, didn't get to move south to be by my family. yes, heather still lives with me, as well as my ex [ron] does. we have discussed her living at her boyfriend's house, sharing a place with her boyfriend or girlfriends, but she feels it would not be proper for her to live at boyfriend's house, his family would never allow them to live together [they are catholic] and she doesn't have someone to share or afford an apartment. i got her to pay me $150/mo r&b but might get that close to mid or later of the month. i know heather just wants me to be happy, but she thinks/feels i am jealous that she has a boyfriend and everyone i get involved with goes south and i should not have married her dad in the first place. lots of times i wish i didn't marry him, but i thank god for my 2 beautiful kids who are god's gift to me. i keep praying god will send a christian man my way. i keep thinking about my favorite christian artist and his band. they are a bit too young for me but also very untouchable. i feel thinking about something like that is safe as god knows my heart and i am not hurting anyone else as nobody else knows [except u now]. i know, this is pathetically sad on my part. i do talk with god a lot and his grace, love and close feeling he gives me is how i get thru. thank you so much for talking/advising me.....diane
Are you saying that your ex-husband lives with you?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
yes, my ex-husband [ron] my daughter heather and i live together. there is nothing at all in any way, shape or form going on with me and ron. he has his own room and shares expenses. that is the only reason he is here with me. a place for him to live less expensive than his own place and i could use his help with expenses until heather leaves and i can leave. ron does not get in the way of anything i do from go to work to go to a girlfriend's house. my [personal] life is my business. we communicate about our kids.
Diane...are you mainly concerned about how Heather treats you and her dependence on you? Are you also concerned about finding love some place?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
jordan, yes on both accounts. you have gotten to know me very well. ron is just there, but heather is my concern in all the ways a mom cares about her daughter. i am hoping/trying to find love someplace. asking god/praying about this just about every day. i can't believe how pathetic i embarrassing. heather also told me i should talk with a therapist when i can afford it. what else does that tell you? oh well, like i said, i am giving up on a few things....i have to find my happiness in god and he will give me my hearts desire. god also knows my heart better than even me. talk soon! take care and god bless always, diane
I will get back to you tomorrow when I return to the office...okay..Diane?
Hello my dear client Diane. I think your feelings of loneliness are magnified because it is the holiday season and you have no one in your life to share it with besides your family. The holiday season is supposed to be a happy time. But I sense your loneliness and pain. Heather is not helping the situation much as she belittles you about your love life. Can your ex (her dad?) step in and tell her that she is being a bit disrespectful?

With regards XXXXX XXXXX love life, a great place to start would be the church. Get involved in a women's group. You will receive SO MUCH from a spiritual perspective in all areas of your life. Furthermore, many churches also have singles groups where older single people can do lots of fun activities. You cannot just sit at home and wait for prince charming to come on a white horse. That would be nice though :)

Also, get out and do things to make you feel good about yourself. Get a new haircut. Get a manicure or pedicure. Go to a day spa. Start an exercise regimen if you need to lose a few pounds. Be that beautiful and special person that God wants you to be.

With regards XXXXX XXXXX she will not change. She will hang onto you as long as you allow her to or until she gets married and moves out on her own. Just be thankful that she is making some effort to do better. She could be hanging out with the wrong crowd, be strung out on drugs, and have a disrespectful boyfriend. Things happen for a reason. God has kept you and Heather together for a reason. It may be had to figure out that reason but believe that it is part of God's plan.

Happy Holidays Diane. Hang in there!
Hello Diane,

Is there anything else I can assist you with? Let me know. Have a great day!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi jordan, first of all, i want to wish you an awesome, healthy, safe and most of all BLESSED new year! you have been like a sister i never had to talk with--and i thank you very much for that. [i always wanted a sister]. anyway, sorry i have not gotten back to you sooner. between busy with work schedule and feeling blah not wanting to go online, i just have not been here much. i was seeing someone just before thanksgiving for about a month but that went south and now knowing more about the guy, i am very glad. as for heather and me, she told me last nite she [knock on wood] will hopefully b living with joseph in about 2 yrs [she finishes college then]. i asked her what is the difference between now and 2 yrs besides finishing college [she didn't mention marriage] if ur not married and no mention of it? she hoped to be living with joseph then. i asked what is the difference with now and then if his family won't approve? she said hopefully he will have a good paying job for a while. right now he is waiting on a couple of places for a job---one laid him off and had a position they should have given him. the other needed a background check that they have not gotten back to him since before christmas.....that was a teaching job at st. johnsbury academy---the high school my kids and joseph graduated from. so i am still here playing the waiting game. heather gets more frustrated with her dad, and not wanting to b around him. i am trying to move up with my job since i can't seem to get or do anything else for myself. i am glad i have my anti-depressent meds. i am more grateful to god being in my heart and life. i know he is in control and a big part of me keeps telling me i am not giving myself completely to him to let him take better care of me than i am doing. just when i think and pray i want his guidance and direction always in my life i get busy with my job or things i need to do and, as the phrase goes, 'life goes on.....'. i am afraid if i pay you for the times i talk with you like this i won't b able to continue talking with you any more. heather says when i am ready to move, i will have to get a therapist to talk with because i might b moving away, but the problems/background from them will still b with me and i will have to talk with someone after i start living for me. do u think she is right and i will b doing that? if i need a therapist for all this mess i have lived [moving to vermont from virginia to get away from a bad marriage then going thru 4yrs of therapy for mental and emotional abuse from the marriage [why i left in the first place], bringing up my kids by myself since they first started school and the horrible 'track record' i have in the romance dept.---anyway, is there someone you can recommend for me to talk with about all this within this system where i met you? please tell me what you think. i so value your opinion, and you know that. thx jordan, and im sorry it has taken me so long to get back with you. oh yes, i have asked a question of a therapist there, dr. rossi, and not really happy with talking with her. i don't feel i have gotten anywhere......thx for your time and input. talk soon!
Hello Diane...It is so good to hear from you. Happy New Year as well. I was just wondering...Do you attend church on a regular basis? Let me know when you can. I also have a suggestion for you to get additional assistance on this site but it will be not be free. Take care.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi jordan. i do attend a baptist church on as regular a basis every sunday as my work schedule permits. i also attend a woman's bible study during the week when they have it and my schedule permits. i go to a small church that there are no 'eligible' guys there. did u say the additional assistance will not be free? how expensive and what kind is it--can u elaborate?
Keep going to church as time permits. We do have Mental Health experts who can assist you although their fees tend to be a little higher than in the Parenting category. Many of those experts are psychologists as well. I can refer you if you would like or you can start a new question completely in the Mental Health category.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
just wondering who u would u think it would make a difference if i spoke to m/f? i so value ur opinion. i do feel heather is right about my probs/issues go further than just recent events. i would also like ur opinion/recommendation on everything we have talked about. thx much for all you have done...i just don't want to lose touch with u. take care and god bless always! diane
Diane, I must step out of the office for a bit. I will respond a little later. You will be my top priority!

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi erica, i hope all goes well with what you have to leave the office about. i will b here for when you get to respond.....and i know you will respond. u have my info, so when u get the chance......thank you! take care and god bless always!, diane
I am still checking around for a good expert. Would you prefer a relationship expert or a mental health one? I think a female expert would be better for you in either case.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi erica.....not sure about that....i think more of relationship expert.....but that also affects mental health.....ur suggestion?
I think a relationship expert would be a great place to start. Give me a bit to refer you to one.
Hi Diane, Go to the relationship category and type "For Dr. Rossi" before your question and she will be the only expert to assist you. Have a great day!
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i already talked with dr. rossi and she was not able to fully help me.....she opted out. any other suggestinos?
Have you tried psych lady?
Or bbsemler?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
only talked with dr. rossi....don't know psych lady or bbsemler
You can try them. I am still always available as well.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
ok, will give them a try. will also keep in touch with you. i feel i can always talk with you about anything.....thx for that comforting, reasurring feeling you give me! take care and god bless always...
Anytime Diane. I will be here when you need me if you can not find another expert. I really do hope to hear from you soon.God Bless You.Erica