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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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i have a dilema of my son and his gf . he is 15 she is 17 .

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i have a dilema of my son and his gf . he is 15 she is 17 . my ex is allowing her to stay with them when he is there so it is expected of me to allow it. she is also moving into their house to "play house. he in one aspect says he thinks and does what i do at the house but behind my back then gives in and lets them have alone time and gives him cigarrettes and drinks. our son also has anger issues and has had several altercations and it is always. lets give him another chance. now he walks on me and kisses his dads butt cause he gets what he wants there. in a way i think to just let him go there but on the other it is as im giving up. im not but if he doesnt get his way he fights with me. what do i do?
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems with your son. By any chance, was your ex abusive to you? Do you fear for your safety while your son is around? Is your son your only child? Thank you!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
yes he is only child. my ex was verbally abusive and authoritive with me. my son was verbal and then recently became physical. my ex has lied to our son about things to have our son think i was bad person. he lived with me till 10 then went to fathers and came back 3 years ago cause his father could not handle him or watch son got into drugs and alcohol and started failing school. after back here he brought airsoft gun to school so he was sent to alternative. his father says to give him chances. i want him to tell me where he is going and what he is doing and he feels he does not have to he is "15". his father and wife now that the wife was fired from her job i guess they are trying to get him to come back but are having him give me a hard time so i want him to leave. that isnt a good situation for him but i feel that i cant handle the arguing and belittling of me. nor am i gonna give in cause his father does. i dont feel it is right. he got caught with cigarrettes friday and has to pay a fine and i said this morning that he should take care of it today he said i was a "bitch" that he wasnt gonna use his christmas money for that. i said that i wasnt the one to bring cigs to school so why does he feel i have to pay it. it escalates easily when he is asked to do anything by me.
If at all possible, have your son live with dad. Your emotional and physical health and safety are at risk. You have had enough from your ex and then your son is repeating the same behavior. You can do no more. Your son has been emotionally manipulated and brain washed by your ex. He needs time away to mature and change. Keep in touch with him but keep a physical distance. Give him his space because he will just continue to abuse you and you DO NOT deserve that type of behavior.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thankyou for your time and advise. i think that is what i need to do. i do not want to be uncomfortable in my own home. i have tried repeatedly to guide him and structure him just to fall on deaf ears due to the manipulation from both my son and ex. i actually feel good to think i can come home and not be yelled at or cursed at or threatened physically. i think him going to his dads is the best i can do for myself cause it is myself that is hurting not my son or ex. they just want to be buddies i think. i never want my son to be in a bad spot but he will do it to himself cause he is only looking at today not even tomorrow and i want to move on and not be afraid. i will always love him no matter what but i dont want to go crazy. thankyou. i guess i just needed validation i wasnt abandonning him by having him go there.
You are not abandoning your son. You have to think about your sanity. His dad will have to deal with him. You are doing the right thing. :)