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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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my husband and I are in our 50 and have full time care of our

Customer Question

my husband and I are in our 50 and have full time care of our grandson who will be 4 on Wednesday, he has started to become very agressive towards us, when he cant get his own way or something goes wrong his fuse is very short.
Probem is that directed at us he threatens to hit us with whatevery he has biting shouting shut up you stupid when we dont say this stuff at home.
He goes to preschool and I understand some things are picked up there, but we are both
at the end of our patients we have tried all the standard behavioural modifications but to no avial please please help this little bloke is suffering too
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems with your grandson. Does he get to see his parents? How often does he attend pre school each week? How long has he lived with you? Thanks!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

yes he gets to see his mum and dad seperately as they are not togethor. dad 3 hours fortnightly supervised and mum same but supervised by us. He attendeds preschool 4 days weekly as nan and pop have to work

He will be 4 tomorrow and has lived with us full time since the 8th Jan 2008

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for responding. What you must do is to take a deep breath first. You are the authoritative figure so therefore do not let a four year old get you frustrated. He has his ups and downs and cannot appropriately express his feelings. Therefore, you must teach him. He is probably picking up bad habits from preschool which unfortunately you can do nothing about. Nonetheless, when your grandson misbehaves, stoop down to his level, look directly into his eyes, and tell him how you expect him to behave as you speak in short simple sentences. Then have him repeat... as best as he can, what you just said. Now here is the key....keep a behavior chart posted where he will see it every day. You want to catch him being good. When he has had a great day, he gets a sticker for the day. Select stickers that you know he will truly love. For a bad day, he gets nothing. REALLY praise him when he is obedient and his day was without any incidents. After he has received 10 stickers, provide him with a treat or a special outing . Children love to get rewarded and will work hard for special treats. Explain the behavior chart, getting 10 stickers, and what the treat will be. For his age, you may need to start out with receiving 5 stickers, then 10,and then 15. The goal is to pay more attention to his positive behavior to eliminate the negative. The pre school needs to implement something as well. This should help. If not, and his behavior is getting completely out of control, then you may want to seek a referral from his pediatrician to see a psychologist. He will be evaluated and a technique called Play Therapy will be used to ascertain what is causing his aggressive behavior.

Have a great week!