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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I need help. I dont know what to do with my daughter. I am

Resolved Question:

I need help. I don't know what to do with my daughter.
I am a single mother of 5 children (ages 24, 22, 17, 16 and 14).
My 14 year old has recently started lying about everything, she is grumpy and rude to everyone, including me. I know that is part of teenage years and I accept that but the lying is troublesome.
She lies about being on social networking sites and about what she is doing after school (she will say she is at practice but will be hanging out in the school parking lot), she lies about boys.
The other day when she was at a dance she was "grinding" with a little boy who is the "ex" of one of her friends. Another boy she has been flirting with came up and attempted to punch them both. My 16 year old heard a rumour that he was going to beat her (the 14 year old) up. She has learned nothing from almost being punched and continues to antagonize these boys, playing them off of each other.

Some of the more disturbing behavior I have witnessed:
-Overly sexualized behaviour ("grinding"/sexual talk with boys over chat)
- Her friends are all doing drugs and/or smoking and having sex. A friend of hers recently got pregnant and miscarried at age 13
- Lying about social networking sites (I highly doubt that she actually knows 400 people as she claims)
- Very rude to me and her siblings. I feel like I am losing her.

I fear for her safety and find it disturbing how easily she is able to lie and hide things from me. I have contemplated getting a spy program for the computer but I do not want to have to take that step.
It has come to the point where I give up going out for the occasional supper with friends to stay home and babysit my 14 year old.
I have done everything for her, she does have autism and has problems in social situations, she tends to do whatever the group does/easily influenced. I did not work full time after the divorce to stay home and look after her, I have gotten her all the help available in our town but it does not seem to have helped. The problem is that she is very..mature physically and does not seem to know how to handle the attention.

Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. What type of available assistance have you already tried? Thank you.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I have tried counselling (years ago both after the divorce and again about 5 years ago when she was diagnosed with autism).
In coordination with her schools we have established special "helpers" (the other students don't know but it is someone she can go to for help with homework or with any social problems)
I have gone to "Big Sisters" and had a girl come in and take her out a couple times a week in the hopes that she would develop a good role model and realize that her family aren't the only ones who aren't "with it".

We live in a small city where the resources are not readily available as they may be in bigger cities.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for responding. Since many of your daughter's issue are school related, that is where you need to start first. The school should have a counselor or psychologist with whom you can discuss the behavioral issues of your daughter. Then, your daughter could meet on a regular basis with such a person to steer her in the right direction and keep her on the right path. Peer pressure has clearly overtaken her actions and a behavior specialist could do wonders for your daughter. Her pediatrician should be able to refer you to one. A drastic option would be to have your daughter change schools. Additionally, what about her older siblings? Can they provide assistance? Furthermore, if she was diagnosed with autism, does she have an IEP which includes goals for her behavior? If not, you need to request that there be amendments to the IEP. Furthermore for now, monitor ALL of her activity closely until she matures enough emotionally to be more truthful and respectable.
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