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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Customer Question

grandchildren ages, 6,7.8 and 11. I grandma usually take them someplace every sunday. the children are from 2 different parents 8 yr old boy is very fresh to grandma he is always saying " mom lets me do it" the last time i took all of them. the 8 yr old was not minding grandma. so I said o.k. we are going home. next I hear he told his mom and he was upset and teary eyed ? Mom decided maybe a little time off from grammy days was in order so the 8yr old could figure out how to deal with it. also same day the 7yr old same family,told me he left his out in the rain and it was shot.. (grandma bought it for him) I told him he needed to be responsible for his things and that i would not buy him another. His dad (MY SON ) bought him another and was not happy with my remark to the 7yr. old I have been taking these kids every week for 3yrs. so it has always been grandma"rules when you a with her. I am agonizing over these issues with the parents. not sure where they are coming from. by the way the other 2 children from my other son if i correct them, they have no problem. sorry grandma. what do you think the solution is. Iam a little teary eyed and missing my sundays with them
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems with your 2 grandchildren. Did their negative behavior just start? Do they live with both parents? Did anything major or stressful recently happen to them? Thank you!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
the 8yr old has always been difficult. always in charge. yes they live with both parents. I guess I am concerned about the parents reaction and now distance. Iam struggling to figure out their take on this and why not say ( you need to do what grandma tells you too.when you are with her. ) not letting the child think he can follow another rule.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for responding. You made a statement that it had always been grandma's rules when they were with you. My concern is what kind of discipline do the parents enforce at home if any at all? If the children are not being properly disciplined at home, they will unfortunately want their way outside of the home as well which seems to be the case with your grandchildren. They seem to know already at such young ages how to manipulate their parents into having their way. Obviously when they come visit you, you will not stand for that type of behavior.

If you have a fairly good relationship with your son, bring up the issues. Go out to lunch with him one day. I would not advise having your son's wife present because she may feel like you are a meddling grandma and that you should stay out of their business. Nonetheless, simply tell your son that you are concerned that the grandchildren are receiving mixed messages because you tell them one thing and then the parents do the opposite... therefore diminishing your authoritative role. Tell your son that you feel hurt. Ask your son does he ever tell the children to mind grandma. See where he is coming from. Maybe there is marital trouble and the kids sense the tension and are acting out more than usual. Maybe your son has no clue how to be a parent and needs some direction. Maybe both parents work so much and just do not have time for the children including disciplining them. Try to ascertain from your son the root of the problem. If having a talk with your son does not lead to any solutions, end the conversation by telling your son that you will always be there for him and his family. At least you had the opportunity to give your son some things to ponder. :)
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