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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I am a grandmother with two granddaughters, Lorelai 5, Makena

Customer Question

I am a grandmother with two granddaughters, Lorelai 5, Makena 2. Until their mother finishes with her school activities, I supervise them on the school grounds. Friday it was time to meet their mother at the far end of the grounds, so I took Lorelai's hand and told her it was time to go and meet Mom. She turned away and ignored me. I tried again and she blantantly said NO, looking me straight in the eye. I tried reasoning by first getting her to look me in the face and saying "We have a problem, I see you want to stay and play more and I want to go and meet Mom. So, how can we work this out". She replied "I don't know" and ran away. I walked away to meet Mom and deferred to her to settle this. I often get Mom to handle something I don't know how to handle. What can I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the actions of your grand daughter. She probably has acted this way before to you and towards other adults including her mother. She must be told how to act appropriately toward adults. The next time she says "No", you need to grab ahold of her arm or hand and not let go the next time. You should not ask her how to work the problem out. You gave the power to her and she chose to use her power to run away from you. When she misbehaves, get down to her eye level, look her straight in the face, and firmly tell her what you expect. Do not give her a choice. She obviously must be taught to be more respectful toward authority, especially to her loving Grandma. It is not being mean. It is just disciplining the child. When we discipline, we teach. That is part of the parenting role.

Hope this provided you with a little insight. Have a great evening.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Dear Jordan - I have been pondering your answer which seems so totally logical and the way I raised my sons. However, Lorelai's charter school has been promoting "Positive Discipline", and I am currently reading the book. It seems to me that the solution you suggest just transfers the 'power' from Lorelai to me without a win/win solution or respect for her feelings. What do you think?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Right now, your grand daughter must accept authority. That is the main teaching goal. When she improves in that area, you can work more on her feelings about situations. She is still young. You have time. :)
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Ah - I do believe you are right. Thanks very much
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
:). Enjoy he evening!