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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Hi, could someone please give me some advice

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Hi, could someone please give me some advice about a problem that my 9 year old daughter is having? I'll try to summarize the issue as best as I can. Basically, my 9 year old daughter does not have any friends. I don't understand it at all. She has a lot going for her (I'm honestly not just saying this because I'm her Mother). She is smart, beautiful, funny, a real sweetheart, and the list goes on and on. For example, she told me that she asked a few different classmates today if they would play with her during recess and they all said no. Her teacher has noticed that she plays by herself during recess too. This is not by choice though. When I picked her up from school today she was crying because she said that she has no friends. She told me about how nobody would play with her during recess again today. I just don't understand it because I honestly don't think that the problem is on her end. I'm not just saying this either because I'm her Mother. Please give me some advice about how I should deal with this issue.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. Does your daughter have friends outside of school?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Is she involved in any outside of school activities? Is she an only child? Has she ever had friends?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
The closest to friends that she has are her 10 year old sister's friends who happen to be our neighbors. Sometimes she will go with her sister and play with these friends but it is more like she is tagging along.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
She was involved in soccer and running club but they ended recently. She has a 10 year old sister who unfortunately is very mean to her and doesn't want much to do with her. I don't understand it! She hasn't really ever had any friends.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I honestly have no clue why nobody wants to be friends with her. I have tried to think of any possible reasons but I can't think of any. I know that they are two separate individuals but her sister seems to be quite popular.
I am so sorry to hear about he problems that your daughter is having. First of all at school, the teacher must make a more concentrated effort to have your daughter be included in recess activities as well as in class activities. That issue can be controlled.

At home, keep her involved in sports or other artistic activities.

It sounds like your daughter may be extremely shy or have low self esteem especially because her sister is so mean to her. The best course of action is to have her evaluated by the school psychologist who can see exactly how your daughter behaves in the school setting. Additionally, ask for a referral from your daughter's pediatrician for a referral for counseling. Your daughter needs to learn intervention strategies in how to be more assertive in social situations. Also, a counselor or psychologist may also discover some other deeply rooted issues that you may not be aware of. Your daughter seems to have a phobia of people. As I mentioned, a thorough evaluation should be performed to get to the root of the problem.
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
OK. Thank you for your advice.