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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My grandson and granddaughter will not do what their parents

Customer Question

My grandson and granddaughter will not do what their parents tell them to do. My son yells at them, spanks them, takes things away from them etc. and nothing helps. We know our grandson is ADHD and perhaps his sister is also. My son is now seriously threatening to send them to some bookcamp type of place. HELP! My grandson is 11 and she is 8.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems occurring with your grandchildren. Have the parents always yelled as a form of discipline? How is the relationship between the parents? Are the children misbehaving more often than they are behaving? Is your grandson on any medication? Have there been in major life stressors in your grand children's lives? Thank you!
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
My son and his wife have been married 11+ years. For the first 8 years they had a very volitile marriage; apart, together, apart, cheating etc. My grandson was born 3 months after they were married. He started wetting the bed at age 5, when his mom left, and has yet to quit. They are happily married now! Yes, my son is usually yeller fas a form of discipline and can be impatient. My daughter-in-law yells but is more patient. They yell out of frustration at the disobedience. Thekids are really very good; polite, caring, loving, and they behave (mostly) for me. However, for them to complete what I ask of them they require quite a bit of time and energy, which the parents do not have as they struggle to make ends meet, working many many hours. My grandkids are on Meidcaid, and yes, he takes a generic of Concerta. The recent stressor would be little time from parents, no food in the house at times, school is hard for my grandson, and the yelling at them. I would appreciate any help you could give this frustrated grandma!!
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for responding. There are two routes that can be taken. The parents and the children can all attend family therapy sessions to learn intervention and coping strategies in dealing with each other and their life situations. If that is not possible, implement a behavior modification chart to help the children improve their behavior. You can use a regular calendar or create your own chart. The teachers can assist in this matter as well. Each day that the children do exactly as they are told, act obedient, and do not have outbursts, then they will receive a sticker. After receiving 10 days of stickers, they will receive a big treat or a special outing. The stickers do not have to be on consecutive days. Make a REALLY big deal about their good behavior and following rules. You need to focus on their positive behavior to eliminate the negative. The key is to have patience and be consistent. This will not happen overnight. Give it a few months before you see a big change.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I thought I had replied. So sorry! I am not inclined to accept the answer because I feelthat they are answers that anyone could have thought of. They can not afford therapy, which I've suggested. Also, they have tried 'everything,' including the one you suggested. I know they are acting out because they are really great kids, but this needs something really innovative.




Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Ok..would you like another expert?