Parenting

Have Parenting Questions? Ask a Parenting Counselor for Answers

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Parenting

Have a 14-yr old daughter, she is a straight A student and

Customer Question
she has 4-close friends and...
Have a 14-yr old daughter, she is a straight A student and she has 4-close friends and we can not get her involved in any extra school activities or sports. All she does is go to school and concentrates on her school work. Her and the 4-close friends she has are not very social and really do not do anything outside of school. My question is: do we force her to join a club to meet new people and be more social or do we just leave things the way it is?
Submitted: 6 years ago.Category: Parenting
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Answered in 23 minutes by:
10/11/2011
Parenting Counselor: Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist replied 6 years ago
Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
Verified

Hi,

 

"do we force her to join a club to meet new people and be more social or do we just leave things the way it is?"

 

"Forcing" her to do anything would not be productive as she will see this as your idea not hers. She has to develop an interest in at least one thing/activity. Why is she not "comfortable" in joining clubs or sports at school is another issue. Is this due to some sort of anxiety (social anxiety, fear of failure), or is she more introverted? When did the behavior start (or has she been behaving like this for as long as you can remember?) The few friends that she has do not have to be her only circle of friends that she does things with. You may find out if she is engaged primarily in her school work because that is one area where she feels safe (good at) and uncertain of herself in other areas? Is she the only child and used to be in the company of adults is another question.

 

Volunteering may be something to encourage her to look into. She can be both productive/helpful even learn something along the way. If she is studious, you can present this opportunity for further learning and remind her that any sort of experience can come in handy one day when she will need to get a paid job.

 

There may be times when you would have to entrust her in doing something that lets her interact with others even if it is helping with an yard sale, etc. She may have not yet found out what truly makes her satisfied (school work is only one area) and the more she tries, the more she would learn about herself. You could try to show her that is one way of individuals gaining more self confidence in their abilities and gaining more knowledge in general by interacting with others. Firs, try to have her share what she already is certain of in regard to the reason behind her social isolation with peers.

 

 

Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Customer reply replied 6 years ago
No other issues that we know of. She is the middle child, has a older sister 17 who is very outgoing, and a little sister 11 that is also pretty outgoing. Behavior has been as long as I can remember. We are very supportive of letting her do things that involve interacting with others, but she doesn't seem interested.
Parenting Counselor: Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist replied 6 years ago
She may be quite introverted or is avoiding interaction as a defense mechanism if she's too sensitive to others emotions as well as their criticism. She is old enough for you to talk to her about her goals (what studies are her favorite subjects, what does she want to do to enrich her life, her knowledge, and how she can contribute to the life of those around her. Social belonging is derived from the ability to share one's abilities/gifts with them. If she is good in her studies, the two of you can discuss and come up with at least one area in her life at the moment where she can share this knowledge/gifts even if it is volunteering with underprivileged children in your area (being a role model for them)
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Customer reply replied 6 years ago
No other issues that we know of. She is the middle child, has a older sister 17 who is very outgoing, and a little sister 11 that is also pretty outgoing. Behavior has been as long as I can remember. We are very supportive of letting her do things that involve interacting with others, but she doesn't seem interested.
Parenting Counselor: Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist replied 6 years ago

I am not sure what response is being sought out. The initial question was should you force her to be involved. I caution against that any sort of forceful behavior is to avoided. It is unhealthy and wold not really guarantee her full participation. Since I am not working with the child or the family directly, the information provided online is speculative and suggestive. She may even have traits of avoidant personality disorder.

If she is not interested, she is not interested and no amount of coaxing or otherwise will change her mind. She has to be encouraged to arrive at her own concision as to why it is beneficial to interact with others. You can only teach her that. I will opt out now so any other expert can share their feedback.

Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Ask Dr. Rossi Your Own Question
Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
4,627 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.

Dr. Rossi is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Cher

Cher

Teacher

94 satisfied customers

Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2

Jennifer

Jennifer

School Psychologist

77 satisfied customers

Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.

professional_Alison

professional_Alison

Child Care

77 satisfied customers

Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

40 satisfied customers

Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist

Dr. Shirley Schaye

Dr. Shirley Schaye

Doctor

38 satisfied customers

PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy

Eveningstargazer

Eveningstargazer

Family Counselor

31 satisfied customers

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Family Counselor

21 satisfied customers

Licensed social worker and psychotherapist

< Previous | Next >

Related Parenting Questions
This questions is about child psychology. Our dance teacher
This questions is about child psychology. Our dance teacher is preparing our child for a dance competition. She keeps telling the child not to be nervous , not to be afraid. It seems to produce an opp… read more
Gaurav Gupta
Gaurav Gupta
MD, CEO
Post-Doctoral Degree
22 satisfied customers
I am a father of two, a four year old girl and a two year
Hi Pearl I am a father of two, a four year old girl and a two year old boy. I would like to get some advice on how to calmly handle my two year old. He is quite a handful, and it gets especially frust… read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
742 satisfied customers
My 13 year old daughter currently lives with my parents (her
My 13 year old daughter currently lives with my parents (her grandparents). My current wife (her stepmom) and I are visiting my parents for the holidays with our two daughters. My daughter who lives w… read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
742 satisfied customers
My 11 year old stepdaughter is causing problems between my
My 11 year old stepdaughter is causing problems between my boyfriend and I, we live together, and one of her biggest issues is that she doesn't stop lying, her lies go from “I didn't do it-to lying to… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My step daughter is 22 and opted to come back to live with
My step daughter is 22 and opted to come back to live with us. I've been with her mom for 10 years now and this child now adult has always been very selfish. She puts herself first for everything and … read more
Rev Dr August Abbott
Rev Dr August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
592 satisfied customers
Our son, who is in grade 3, has severe dyslexia, as well as
Our son, who is in grade 3, has severe dyslexia, as well as dysgraphia) which was diagnosed in grade one, but through the psych assessment we also learned he has extremely high cognitive ability. For … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have a 6 year old about to turn seven.and im trying to
i have a 6 year old about to turn seven.and im trying to teach him discipline because i don't wanna spank or hit. So ive been introducing tasks around the house. And geting him to say yes sir and no s… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I need adice how to approach a adopted daughter whom has
Hi, I need adice how to approach a adopted daughter whom has started spreading untruths this is a brief only Thank you janys… read more
CamilleRN
CamilleRN
Registered Nurse, Director of Nursing
4,150 satisfied customers
Dear dr. my son is 12 years old he is smart in every think
dear dr. my son is 12 years old he is smart in every think but when ever we will ask him to study he dont like. he make the face and you fell that he is sick. he sit long time for one subject to do hi… read more
danny541
danny541
Retired
608 satisfied customers
I raised my little girl for almost 4 years very close to me,
i raised my little girl for almost 4 years very close to me, to build a strong bond. i was a young single mom and did the best i knew how. i then ended up introducing someone into both of our lives th… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have an 11 year old boy that is not doing his work in
I have an 11 year old boy that is not doing his work in school. I have put him on punishment, and he knows I am in constant contact with his teacher. It is not that he can't do his work, it is that he… read more
Dr. Y. Vasavada
Dr. Y. Vasavada
Consultant Pediatrician
Doctoral Degree
2,246 satisfied customers
Whats the best rated kindergartens and elementary schools in
whats the best rated kindergartens and elementary schools in the orange county and LA area.… read more
Michael
Michael
Research Librarian
Bachelor\u0027s Degree
84 satisfied customers
This is not a duplicate question) This question is for a
(This is not a duplicate question) This question is for a parenting expert. I have a 5 year old pre-adoptive child in my home. I am her 5th placement in 3 years. This week, she received a diagnosis of… read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Associate Professor of Communication
Doctoral Degree
102 satisfied customers
My three year old turning four in September still isn't
my three year old turning four in September still isn't potty trained. When he was two and a half his grandmother saw that he accidentally pooped his pants had lost her mind held him on the toilet and… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My step son argues with me about everything I say. I'm tired
I'm tired of it and want to say something in a loving way … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
The internet says that when actress, Bette ******, passed
The internet says that when actress, Bette ******, passed away, she disinherited her daughter, B.D. *******, because B.D. ****** wrote a book about her saying that she was a drunk and all of that. In … read more
LegalGems
LegalGems
Juris Doctorate
10,686 satisfied customers
Far, I have only read chapter one of the book titled" Eyre"
far, I have only read chapter one of the book titled "Jane Eyre" by Charlotte Bronte. In chapter one, ***** *****, the son of the Reed family, scolds Jane Eyre for reading one of the Reed family's boo… read more
Cher
Cher
Teacher
Masters Degree
94 satisfied customers
I am currently married with 2 children: a 5 year old girl
I am currently married with 2 children: a 5 year old girl who will be 6 y/o on March, 2018 and my son who will be 3 years old this month (nov, 2017).Their personalities are very different and I'm very… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x