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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My son is 28, he has moved to Canada to be closer to my family.

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My son is 28, he has moved to Canada to be closer to my family. He is presently staying with my Mom and step-father. When he decided to go to school there, I although not sure it was a good idea, asked if he was sure and voiced my concern, but supported his decision. My sister was divorced and lived close by with her 4 sons, whom we had helped raise as our own boys when she fell on hard times. We took the whole family on vacations each year, spent weekends and hours and hoursdoing things. We paid for everything, did christmas, food, car. what ever they needed. Recently her ex husband who was abussive is back, Although concerned, I feel she has a right to choose her destination and move on. I accepted although unsure. The problem has now arose that her oldest son has brocken off with his girlfriend and within a few days was with another he had cheated with before. My son was unsure, but stayed friends with the old girlfriend. The boys were raised as brothers and have always been there for one anotheter. I know they are grown men, but things are happening that are just wrong. I overheard my son talking to my other son if anything should happen he wanted someone to know. Two car loads of young men called him out when he got home the other night, they were parked on the road, not considered Grandma's which is neutral. My mom was asleep and my son was scared because of all the threats. All Because my son is still friends with the old girlfriend, he has been getting threating phone calls, being given the finger and called obscene names, is no longer allowed at their house...Grandma's is neutral apparently. I am sick to my stomach , he is not doing well. I am been asked to not speak to anyone about the situation. My son has made many attepts to speak with his cousin brother, to go out for coffe and talk, ect. But when he goes where they are to meet, there are many there waiting and he doesn't feel safe. I am sick and scared also. My body lets me know it wrong for me to talk to my sister or my Mom. He has told them nothing. He wants the family to stay together and close.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems within your family. It may be wise that your son limit contact with the old girlfriend for a while. Also,you really should fill grandma and your sister in on the situation for your son's safety and for their safety as well. If needed, your son may need to contact the police if he is receiving threats of harm. Everyone needs to feel safe and be safe.
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
We have tried to make peace, my son has. I know he has lost his temper and said things he regrets but he also asked them to come camping personally, as we did. And to meet for coffee. Now thanksgiving is this weekend at my Mom's(Grandma's) and I'm not sure if I shouldn't cook a turkey here and have my son come here. Everyone is invited my brothers, sister, and all the kids...What now? Please help!
Hello...Are you saying that your son is being excluded by the family?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have been told that he chose.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I have been told he chose to stay friends with the girlfriend and her sister. He had a choice. What does that mean, I don't know, but it is breaking my heart. I can't stop crying. I have always been there for my family, no matter what. My sister is having an affair with her ex-husband who is married to someone else. I did not treat her any different, even tho I advised her to be very careful of what she was doing. My Mom married my Dad's brother after my Dad killed himself. My brother stole thousands of dollars from my Mom. They all get together still. Any occasion to be a family. Why is he being centered out! He has chose to be friends with an ex-girlfriend, whom his cousin cheated on! Everyone lives with their own mistakes. This is a tiny one for my family, believe me. I love my family, but my first responsibility is to my husband and 2 sons if it comes down to it


Customer: replied 6 years ago.
You have suffered a great deal of emotional stress over the years. It would be best to have your own family Thanksgiving dinner. On the other hand, it is always such fun to be around lots of family members unless the tension is too great. You need to think about what situation would cause the less stress and drama in the family for you and go from there. Yes, your husband comes first and then your children. Maybe a much needed break is necessary from the family for a bit until things simmer down.

Have a great day.
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