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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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mother in law question

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i have a question regarding an issue with my mother in law..with whom i have a pretty good relationship. i am against wearing fur personally, for my own reasons. although i don't say anything about it to others if they choose to wear it like friends or family who make that choice. but my mom in law is aware of how i feel on the issue and bought my  5 yr old daughter a coat with real fur on it. is this a bit disrespectful to my beliefs or should i not put my own beliefs on my daughter? if she decides one day that she wants to wear real fur i will not take issue with that, but while she's young, i feel that as her mother i have a right to keep it out of my house. is this fair? my mother in law definitely doesn't respect this and tells my daughter she can wear fur if she wants...what is the best mutually respectful way to handle this situation? thank you so much for your advice.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. Mother in laws can be difficult because often they feel as though their way or belief is the only way. Since your mother in law is already aware of how you feel about fur, just let the issue go. It you keep discussing it, it will only be a constant battle of words. As for your daughter having a fur jacket, she never has to wear it because of how YOU feel. Do not even keep it in the house. Put it in a box or bag in the garage and as soon as your daughter outgrows it, give it away. Right now, do not even discuss your opposite feelings toward fur with your daughter. You do not want her to get any sense of a conflict between you and her grandmother. When she is older, about 11 or 12, then you can casually state how you feel about things without stepping on toes.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thank u that was helpful..only problem is that i already kind of told my daughter that mommy doesn't like fur bcos i love animals and maybe i shouldn't have said that. your advice would have been the better choice, but unfortunately it's too late for that. and my mom in law gets upset bcos my daughter never wears the coat. she lives right near us and sees that it's never worn so it is kind of a pink elephant in the room...if she were living else where, i could see how that would be the easier way to handle it. anyway, since i did mention my beliefs already to my daughter and my mom in law is offended astrid doesn't wear the coat, what would be the best way to handle it now? thanks a lot. from now on, i won't discuss my beliefs so soon with my mom in law is just always chiming in..she gets mad if i let my daughter wear little girl nail polish for example and tells my daughter that it's that's just another example of how she tends to undermines me as a mother..even though as i said before, she and i mostly get a long alright.
Since you already told your daughter your beliefs about the coat, then she should understand why you do not feel comfortable having her wear it. Remember, you are your daughter's mother. Your mother in law will ALWAYS be unhappy about something that you do or say with regards XXXXX XXXXX daughter. You do what you think is best for your daughter and the less you say, the less your mother in law will be able to say something in return.
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