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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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School/Home Buddy

Resolved Question:

My son has a friend down the street who came over alot during the summer, and since we have moved into our new house over the past year.

He was at our house so much, in fact, that we haven't ever given any thought to cooking for 1 more, or buying dinner for 1 more when we go out and take him with.

His parents also have 2 year old twin boys, so I know that they probably appreciate their 7 year old getting out and playing with another 7 year old.

Our son and this kid, went to different schools, but always played here at home, have been on the same baseball and soccer teams, etc.  But had different schools.

We decided for first grade, to put our son at the same school as this kid.  Not only for that reason, but also for financial, closer drive, etc.

From the first day of school, this kid ignores our son.  It bums our son out.  He got pretty down about it, because he didn't understand why this kid could be so friendly at home, in the neighborhood, but completely not talk to him and ignore him at school.

I personally don't think the kid is being mean, but I think he's a 7 year old, who probably doesn't really know how to process that his friend at home can also be a friend at school, or it could be some kind of "this is my school, these are my friends" type of thing, who knows.

Anyway, I told my wife to let them work it out.  I talked to this kid's mother at a soccer practice and we were both on the same page about them working it out.

But my wife had other ideas.  She has the belief that our son needs to learn that it's not ok to be treated like this at school, but then be nice at home, and that we won't stand for that behavior.

What that really means is that this kid has not been over to our house anymore, and my wife has really turned this into something more than what it really is.  She's become very down and negative about this other 7 year old.  I understand that she is trying to protect our son, but I don't agree with this approach.

My son is actually going to be having his 7th birthday party (he already turned 7, but his party is later hehe... who knows on this one...) and this kid will not get an invite.

While driving my son to school one morning, I asked my son how he felt about this kid not coming to his party, and how this kid has been treating our son.

My son responded with, "Mommy doesn't want <kid's name> to come to my party, but secretly I want him to".

Interesting that he used the word secretly.

He went on further to say "Mommy says that he needs to learn and that he won't be able to come over for 100 days".

My concern is what and how my wife is talking about this kid to our son.  It's not sounding like she's speaking objectively about him.  If I bring it up, I get verbal poison.

I have stated my case to my wife, and told her what our son said on the way to school, but she either won't listen, or doesn't care.  She makes the argument that our son needs to learn that it's not ok to be treated like this, but I don't think this approach is teaching our son anything at all.

I don't even know what to say to the other Dad or Mom if I see them at soccer, as I am at a loss, to be honest...

What do I do or say or am I missing something here?

Thanks for any feedback or information.  I have been googling around trying to find answers...or common threads.

Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Hello and Thank You you for using Just Answer. Your wife has made this issue into something way bigger than it should have been. The other child did not neglect your son intentionally. He is only 7 years old. What your wife should be teaching your son is how to treat others respectfully XXXXX XXXXX they don't want to play with you. Your wife has already poisoned your son's mind to think bad thoughts about another child. For your peace of mind, still be cordial to the boy's parents. Tell your wife just to let the issue go. It is not that serious and your son will have many seemingly close friends that will come and go from his life.
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