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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I recently started dating a man ( 1 1/2 months) and he has

Customer Question

I recently started dating a man ( 1 1/2 months) and he has a 8 month old with his ex; they haven't been together during the entire pregnancy or now; but he has been there and provides for the child and they share custody. As things are getting more serious between us, I've offered to meet the ex, so she can see that i'm a trusting person to be around their child, but she refuses to meet me and refuses to let him have the baby if he is going to see me .. even if it's us meeting out for lunch on a Saturday. I understand that you don't want people to come and go and in a child's life, considering he is 8 months old, I don't think it's as big a deal as if the child was 2, but then again, i could be wrong. Clearly this is something the two of them need to work out, as both will need to know the other persons significant other. Any advice? suggestions?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. Is his ex an ex girlfriend or an ex wife?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Ex girl-friend, they were in the process of breaking up when she got pregnant.... Obviously I know only his side of the story. They weren't living together either, and she wanted to be sure he wasn't on the birth certificate either ...but yet she wants to control his every move, and I realize that I'm probably the first serious girl he's dated since her, so...I don't want to rock the boat, but I want him to "man up" about the situation so he doesn't loose his child because she decides she doesn't like who he is with or where he goes. Hope that helps a bit more
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Just lay low for a while because your relationship is still fairly new. Do not make too many demands on how your new man handles situations. You do not want to scare him away with your differing views. Your new man and ex need to amicably workout their situation without your input or interference. The ex is probably very jealous of you and wants to ruin your relationship. The best advice that I can provide is to focus on the relationship with your new man. Working the child into the relationship will come in time. Have patience and all will work out.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I agree with what you are saying, I guess my question is more towards if I see the child randomly it's not going to "hurt" him the long run, since he's just a little one.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
It will not hurt the child if you to spend time with him. He just needs lots of love and attention now. What the child needs is for all parties involved to just get along in a healthy and mature way. Negativity and drama will affect the child when he is a bit older though. The ex is being somewhat selfish. She should allow the dad to see his son no matter who he is dating. The ex obviously has some stored up anger against her ex and is putting the child in the middle of the situation.