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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Hello, my question could very well be several pages if I

Customer Question

Hello, my question could very well be several pages if I were to include all details and explanations,
However I am going to try to get it down to just one therefore I will try to be as direct and to the point as possible.
(I will happily resubmit my question with full explanation & details if you would like).
My question is; How to fix the reputation of a step mom (SM) that has been purposely trashed by her 15yr.old step daughter (SD).
In short ,and to our surprise over a 6 yr. Period has been allowing us to think that all was well between SM & SD, other than the first episode that happened in the first year(SD was 9yrs old) after coming to live with us(we won a long battle for full custody)where she was caught and admitted to gossiping to many of our new neighbors (new housing track built adjacent to our property) about SM ,such as how horrible and mean she is to SD, we thought we had taken care of that situation and for the next few years we believed all was well, at home. Come to find out over these past years SD has been telling lies, & making up stories with the one goal in mind which was to plant the worst possible picture in their minds of SM. She has not only pulled this very well played & convincing act on our neighbors, but had the nerve to manipulate our friends and both of our families, to such a point of some actually showing signs of rejection towards SM, the most hurtful being that no body, not even SM’s family stood up for SM, had the tables been turned SM would have stopped that girl in her tracks and went straight to the person and told her what this kid was saying about her behind her back. I would ‘not of even had to think about it, I would of known better. It’s like everyone has their head in the sand but SM.during which SM see’s what matters most to her (family) become more & more distant.
When we finally had full custody we went to a few counseling sessions,Father,SD & SM and one of the comments that the Psychologist made (after evaluating SD)to us(Father&SM) was that she was a very manipulating child and that if we weren’t careful she would succeed at splitting us up, because in her world I(SM) do not exist, and in the real world she will continue to try to erase me .I do have her father’s support because of his knowing how she is, but at times I can see her convincing him of one thing or another to some degree and she is starting to affect our relationship .i am devastated by all of this and have no idea where to or how to get my life back. Help.
p.s. SD has openly admitted her wrong doing on this and say’s she wants to fix it, however much that weighs, several months have gone by & it’s not fixed.
p.s.s. A small example of what SD is like to SM, she secretly poisons SM’s house plants from time to time and make’s a habit of destroying, braking anything of SM’s that has any kind of sentimental value, when caught she will not admit to doing it, even if she knows that SM was watching her do it, and will try to convince “daddy” that SM is lying, not her.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am so sorry to hear about the problems that you are having with your step daughter. You obviously have tried talking to her. She is not willing to accept you because you are not her real mom and she probably hates that fact. The best course of action is to try to rebuild the relationship between you and your step daughter. She needs individual counseling on an ongoing basis because she is full of so much unmerited hatred. Additionally, you and her need counseling together and then you need some individual sessions as well. A third neutral party needs to step in again. Your husband need not attend the counseling sessions for now because the first step is to get you and your step daughter on the right track.

Have a great day.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
my ? was not weather or not we needed counsling
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
-Could you explain your situation a little more?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Other.
I would like a different expert to accept my question please, thank you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Other.
would like a new expert to address my question please.thank you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Please make my question available to another expert please, thank you.