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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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i recently divorced my wife but have been living apart from

Customer Question

i recently divorced my wife but have been living apart from her and with my currentl girlfirend for about 2 years now. I have a two month old daughter with my currentl girlfirend and a 6 year old daughter with my ex wife. I was given full custody of my 6 year old and her mother is living in a different country now. My 6 year old loves her mother but never really spent lots of quality time with her. She mostly spent time with my father and with me on some weekends. Now that we all live together I notice my girlfriend obviously giving my newborn lots of attention, hugs , kisses and love as my daughter watches on. My older daughter is one to never let others see her emotions and always tries to keep the peace and have a smile. My current girlfriend is not very affectionate with my daughter but does try to talk with her about things now and then. I care very much about my 6 year old and was wondering how all of us should move forward and what should my girlfreind be doing and also what i should be doing?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. Your girlfriend is not going to give your daughter as much attention as the baby. She must develop a closer bond over time. Just do not force the issue on her. What you can do is try to do as many full family type functions as possible so that your daughter feels like this is her family now and that she has a special place in it as well. Just make sure that you continue to do your part as her dad. If she starts to express how she wishes she had her mom around and your girlfriend is not being the motherly type to your daughter, then you may want your daughter to see a counselor just for a few sessions so that she can receive intervention and coping strategies. Ask your daughter's pediatrician for a referral.

Hope this helps.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Ok when you say dont force the issue do you mean with my daughter or my girlfriend. See the thing is I am an extremely affectionate person and I see non affection as a sign of someone who does not like or love someone else as much. And even though my girlfriend is not a very affectionate type person she is with our young baby and as much as I feel my ex wife was a disfunctional part of my 6 year old's life her mother did hug and kiss her a lot so now I feel like my daughter misses that when my girlfriend only does that to the baby.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello...You can mention it to your girlfriend that your daughter misses affection from a motherly figure. See how she reacts. Then tell her that it does hurt you as well as your daughter that she is not affectionate with her. Since you are affectionate, it is best to just get everything out in the open and discuss things honestly.