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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Looking for a professional -- therapist, counselor, life

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I'm looking for a professional -- therapist, counselor, life coach... anyone that deals with motherhood issues -- to answer a question for me. I have been assigned to write a lengthy magazine article for a college course, and since I'm looking forward to starting a family, I wanted to write about motherhood issues. Through my research, I have found that the topic of guilt and American motherhood is more prevalent than I imagined. If you could answer this question so I can include it in my article (with your credentials listed), I'd be so appreciative! -Amy

"If a mother shouldn't focus on becoming "perfect", then what should she do to make sure her child's life -- and her life – is as fulfilling as possible?"
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

Here are my views on your question.

Perfect mothers come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and philosophical leanings. They can be so diverse but they share qualities in common, that may be masked by differences in style, but in the final analysis are quite similar.

On the most general level, the most important quality of "the perfect mother" is the ability, strength, and wisdom to love unconditionally. Almost all women have direct access to their motherhood instincts to nurture, care for, and protect their children, and much of the unconditional love springs forth from this innate quality.

Some of these inherent qualities are also augmented by culturally transmitted techniques passed on by the mother's mother, and by other family (or tribal or community) members.

The perfect mother listens to her child with empathy and understanding, giving support and encouragement. She guides but doesn't judge. She corrects but doesn't punish. She builds up the child's confidence and self-esteem, and doesn't destroy it. She models good behavior and respect towards others. She does not promote jealousy between siblings, and teaches her children to beware of the hazards in their enviroment, whether rural or urban.

She walks the fine line between making her children feel secure while holding them close to her, and letting them learn independence by letting go, and knows when to do each.

A good mother is always a safe haven and a source of love.

Best wishes,

Elliott Sewell. LPCC, NCC

  • BA Case Western Reserve Univesity
  • MA (Sociology) New York University
  • MAE (Mental Health Counseling) Western Kentucky University
  • Currently Adjunct Professor of Sociology, Nashville State Community College
  • Currently in private practice as a psychotherapist
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I appreciate your insightful response. Thank you for taking the time to answer my question.

I am curious to know one more thing... The majority of American mothers today feel guilt due to the immense amount of responsibilities they're dealing with all at once. In essence, they're "good" at everything, but "master" of nothing. Mothers may feel like they're "burning the candle at both ends." They're acting like "Super Moms" when they balance household chores, keeping on track with their career skills, and parenting. Is there anything their spouses or family members can do to help ease their guilt that not every single task or goal can be completed each day?

Thank you again for your time.
Dear friend,

I am sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I went out of town to a dental appointment, and hit a deer on the way. No damage to me, thankfully.

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! Just the car.

I have a different point of view about today's effective mothers, such as yourself. They are MASTERS at being parents. Like a physician GP. (S)he is not a master at pulmonology or dermatology or psychotherapy, but is a master at general family practice.

You may not have a very awake or appreciative support group among your family members or spouse. It is easy to criticize or to overlook the great effort you make every day. They may be ignorant or insensitive, or both, but understanding that, you will have to take your reward from the self-pride in your amazing accomplishments.

Imagaine what life would be like for your children if you didn't do what you do? Could your spouse handle it, or those others who make feel unappreciated even come close to your daily accomplishments?

Give yourself the credit for an heroic effort. Many heros are unsung, and you will have to take your reward in looking over the accomplishments you achieve on a daily basis. Be proud of yourself. You deserve a pat on the back, a tip of the hat, and place of honor as a great mother, wife, employee and person.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC