hi erica, i finally got here. didn't have the best of days, but home is worse. i don't know how to handle anything here. heather is not the easiest to live with, and doesn't contribute to much of anything, from helping around the house to paying for any expenses. i now have her paying $150/mo r&b because she was going to move out and her rent would have been $300 and she asked me to pay half cause she could not afford it. i could not move to alabama so i told her she could not move because i could not afford to help pay that rent along with my other expenses. she could pay me the $150 she would have paid for the other rent. she has a part time job because she is full time college and not much for job openings...not to mention she procrastinates and has no real ambition to go after things, like look into unemployment office for other jobs, better jobs, etc. recently my ex visited my older brother in ct and was talked to about not leaving heather to 'fend for herself'. ron [my ex] is from PA and i believe that is where he would move to if/when i leave here. ron got home and gave me a talking to that my brother jim gave him not to leave heather.....jim tends to get close and protective of heather. his daughter is 6 months older than heather and since ron has not really been around heather growing up, jim is not her dad, but is concerned for her just as much. jim asked heather to write his kids names in japanese for a special something and she made sure she got it all done and mailed to him. i so wish he could advise her on a job and she could get one. jim and karen [jim's wife] told me heather still needs me to stay here so she has a home because she is too young to be on her own as they are there for when their daughter christina comes home from college. they have a totally different life that their family is together there in closeby cities and i have no family in northeast vermont. my parents are in alabama, [hopefully] soon to move to knoxville where my younger brother and his family live. i can and will transfer my work to knoxville but at this point, i don't see heather moving out any time soon. she has been with her boyfriend [joseph] for 5 yrs. his mom and i say it is inevitable they will stay together, get married, etc, but for not they are just kids and appear to be staying that way. joseph has not hinted to heather about getting engaged in any way, but we all feel he might be waiting till she is done college. she is now jr in nearby college that she commutes to but can live in a dorm there [like my son does]. heather WILL NOT move to knoxville, doesn't like the south [i firmly believe she is predjudice] because if she were to move with me her relationship with joseph is over because he won't do a long distance anything. so i am told to hang in there, stick it out, etc until next spring at least. i have pretty much accepted living here another winter, but somehow i doubt i will be able to leave next spring either. heather will b 21 on 11/23, but the way i see it, she has it made with our 'living situation' now, so why should she do much of anything else. her dad tells me 'she will have to learn to grow up sometime', 'what is she going to do when we move away next spring?' i am not happy with anything i am living with or told, but i keep getting asked 'what am i going to do about this or that...' almost like heather's problems if i were to leave are mine to figure out. i don't like to, don't want to be responsible for things that are not my responsibility. after all, heather is an adult, although she is so much a kid and is enjoying living with mom, who has and continues to take care of pretty much everything. she does have her part time job, but i don't see any $$ help. i could save so much if i moved---i would not have half the expenses i have now....heather's car is in my name, so i pay registration and ins until i leave, then we go to dmv and i get everything transferred to her name and she is responsible for that car and future vehicles in every way. i can't really say i like my life. i love being at work, because i don't know what heather's mood will b towards me and basically i just stay in my room pretty much. i pray a lot, have my christian music playing in my mind most of the time and i try to keep myself focused on god, asking his guidance/direction and knowing in my heart he is with me. he hears the depths of my heart and he loves me the same...he comforts my heart and is the only way i live---his grace is enough, all covered with his love.
sorry for the medium sized novel, but it feels good to tell you, talk about it--i don't have anyone i can talk with out this or much of anything. thx for letting me vent. god bless you, i am thankful u r the person you are--god's direction and timing are perfect....i am still trying to b patient and let him do what he will. take care and god bless always, diane