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Hello and Thank You for responding. If at all possible, your new husband needs to step in and discuss the boys' behavior with them and explain that it is not acceptable in the household to be so disrespectful. If they continue, then you and your husband need to enforce consequences. Your sons should in no way act toward parental authority in the manner that they do. On the other hand, it may be time that they live with their dad for a while so that you can have some peace if that is an option. Another route would be for you to seek counseling to learn intervention and coping strategies in dealing with teen age sons. Family therapy is another suggestion but due to the influences of your ex-husband, it is doubtful that your sons would entertain family counseling sessions.
Your ex-husband still wants to control you by using your sons to find out all of the information about you. He probably is not remarried. If he is, he needs to direct attention more to his wife and not you.
If you need more assistance, let me know. Have a good evening!!!
Another idea would be for you to discuss the issues with your ex along with your new husband since you are all in the parenting role together.
It seems though your husband may have never gotten over the divorce even though many years have passed. He is not teaching your sons to be respectful young men toward women at all. If they do not respect their own mother, then they will have difficulties as adults in respecting women in relationships. You may need to be the one to initiate family counseling sessions with you and your sons.
You must continue with normal parental responsibilities such as cooking, appointments with doctors and teachers etc. because you do not want to be accused of being neglectful.
YOU CAN revoke privileges. You should not be fearful of your own children. Take their computer, cell phone, tv, whatever away from them when they disobey.
When they return from their dad's house, have a typed up list of their responsibilities/rules and the consequences. If you take the things away, they will have to earn them back through good and respectful behavior.
Were you ever afraid of your ex husband? If so, maybe that is why you seem fearful and submissive to your sons. You must gain the strength and courage to stand up to your kids. You have a new husband as well who should be there to support you.