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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My 17 year old son is causing me great concern. He is constantly

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My 17 year old son is causing me great concern. He is constantly shut away in his room, playing his xbox and on his computer. He refuses to communicate or mix with his younger sister and two brothers or come out at mealtimes. He is verbally aggressive to me and his siblings if we challenge his behaviour. I've tried switching the power and internet off in an attempt to get him out of his room and have tried talking reasonably to him which usually ends in a shouting match. I separated from his dad 4 years ago and he currently works abroad and has minimal contact with the kids (his choice not mine). I'm at my wits end what to do about this situation as nothing I do seems to get through to him and according to him it's my fault he's the way he is! His behaviour is getting us all down.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you are having with your son. Does he have many friends? Does he have any out of the home interests? Does he get along well with his dad or ever speak about him? About how long ago have you noticed his change in behavior? Thank You!!!
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for your answer. He doesn't appear to have many friends apart from the online friends he constantly games with. I have tried to get him interested in things outwith home i.e. offered to pay for gym membership for him and as he's now 17 hope to get him interested in learning to drive. He never got along very well with his dad and rarely sees him although he's talking about going and spending his October holidays with him. I would say from about the age of 14 he's been hard work but the behaviour is getting worse and I put it down to the amount of time he spends on his computer/xbox and isolating himself from the rest of the family. I think he probably was affected by our separation as he lived with his dad initially when we broke up, for about 2 months, then moved back with me and his brothers and sister. I have tried to talk to him about it and suggested he speak to a counsellor but he doesn't want to do that either. He seems unwilling or unable to take responsibility for his actions and always blames someone else, usually me.

Hello and Happy Friday. Your son could benefit from counseling tremendously. If he will not go to a counselor at a medical facility, then speak with his school's psychologist once school starts and explain the situation with your son. The psychologist can meet with him during school time. He will have no choice but to meet then. Also, if it is at a public school the services will be free (at least they should be).


Your son probably has a great deal of repressed anger issues about the divorce and probably blames you. It might be better if he were to live with his dad to see if his behavior and attitude would change but dad would have to be strict and not let him be disrespectful and provide activities in which he could socialize more.


Playing computer games all day long is awful. The violence on those games is almost like one is in Iraq. Sitting in one's room all day and interacting on that manner is not healthy at all. I would take the X Box and computer out of his room for a while as a punishment for his behavior. he will be upset but he must show you and the rest of the family more respect.


I think counseling would be the route to go. No teen ager ever wants to go see a counselor because they feel it is for "crazy "people. But to start if he will not go, then you should seek counseling for your sanity to learn intervention and coping strategies in dealing with your son.


Have a great day.Laughing

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