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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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when my daughter talks about how her mother hates me how do

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when my daughter talks about how her mother hates me how do i react? When her mother teaches her that her husband is her daddy and instructs her to call him daddy and me by my first name what should i do? My daughter seems to be brainwashed not to talk to me while her mother is around unless she knows she is coming to my house. Meaning when i drop her off she almost seeems to forget i am in the room when she gets in the vacintiy of her mother. This is so strange because when she is over my house she tells me i am her favorite person, she loves me without me saying it at all, and says she wants to marry me which is cute but i explain i am her father so we cannot. I broke it off with her mother because we argued and did not see eye to eye on parenting and our lifestyles. she is a bartender and i wanted to stay out of the party life but that is how i met her. My ex now resents me and does any thing she can to turn my daughter against me. It seems unnafective unless she is present with my daughter and then the strangeness of my daughter being border line oblivious that im even there. Do you have any advice?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that your ex is causing in your life. How old is your daughter? How long have you been apart from your ex? Are you in another relationship? How long has your ex been married to her current husband? How often do you see your daughter? Thank you!!!
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

My daughter is three, i have been apart from my ex for exatly two years today. She got married to her husband last july. She had met him litteraly a month or two before she married him.

I am having so much trouble with the courts because she has not shown up to the last eight court dates. One for expanded visitation and then she would not comply with the court order to let me see my daughter every other weekend and every wednsday evening for four hours. We cannot change the order or talk about any of my issues in court untill she shows up. They issued the warrant two weeks ago and still nothing has happened. This has been going on since last june. And before that i seen my daughter every sunday through tuesday for one year after the break up.

When we were together i was litterlay with my baby from when she was born till the break up. I would be with her in the night when she got up and while my ex worked at the bar which was at least three nights a week. the defendant kept the baby from me from june 2010 to december 2010 with out even a phone call with a restraining order. She got this with i kid you not saying i kicked the door. And the probate court in cambridge ma took six months till i could get the judge to make an order. I feel my lawyer dragged his feet to get the most possible money. I spent 15,000 to get my child back into my life. Not only this my lawyer hired a PI which caught my ex out with three dif guys not her husband and she stays out every now and then leaving baby with a sitter till noon the next day. I hae so much to say but i was really concerned about the parenting advice of what to do with my child how to respond to some of her questions and comments. And how to deal with my ex trying to turn my child against me. Like i said before it has not worked. My daughter addores me, asks me to live with me but i dont think she fully understands how much time apart that would cause between her and her mother i mean she is only three. I dont mean to blab on the law court stuff its just you asked about some of the backround and it is just a lifetime movie. It is very tragic that i care for her so much and only want what is best for her but the battle for that is so uphill for men. My daughter tells me how she likes to sleep during the day and stay up all night. Even the other day i asked her what she was up to today and she told me playing in her play room and ill ask her with you friends? She replies"no' Ok with momy? "Momy was sleeping" I dont know how often this happends, i imagine my daughter here hugging me sometimes. While she is away i had nightmares and dreams that i should of stayed with my ex to look out for my child. Just to be ther eto play with her. When i first go ther back in december she would play with something talking to just herself if you didnt converse with her for a while. I feel like with her mother she doesnt get to see many other kids. When i get her which i feel is very little i bring her to my family who have kids like 60 % of the time juts so she can interact with them. Today i brought her to chucky cheese and encouraged her to make a friend and once she said hi to a little girl omg she had the time of her life. And it was just two little girls running around playing. I dont think she is in danger when she is with her mom i just think shes not getting a full life. Hard for me to explain i feel like she needs to get out more see the world, have friends have play dates. I feel like the only interaction she has is her mother and her mothers boy friends. She has not told me about any women or any one besides her neighbor who comes to play with her. I just see so much happiness when she is with me but some of the things she says and the friction in her thoughts worry me. By friction i mean she is a nice sweet angel and all of a sudden shel push a kid. Ill ask her why she doens not come for me when some other kid puts her hands on her and she says,"when they do something i dont like i hit them". Now i dont think her mother hits her but i dont think she tells her not to hit other kids when they are mean to her. What i meant by some of the things she says is the other day she told me that her daddy planted the seeds in mommy's stomach for a baby. I mean who says that to a three year old. What happend to the stork or anything like that. I am sorry i can go on for days she means the world to me. The most important thing i can get from you is advice on how to react to her feelings and what she says about hate and stuff. And also ways to further push her in the right direction.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

I thank you for being so honest with your feelings and providing me with the background information. I am not an expert in the legal field but from what I know, the court issues can drag on for years which gets to be a headache and a drain on the wallet.


What you can do is to be loving and supportive to your daughter when she is with you. Do fun things with her. Interact with her in positive ways. Show her the world!!! No matter what her mother may tell her, she will see you as a different person through your actions. Do not bad mouth her mother no matter how much you may want to.


If you feel that your daughter is being neglected or in harm's way, contact your local Department of Child and Family Protective Services.


It seems as though your ex is headed on a path in which the courts may see what an unfit mother she is. Just do your part in the best way possible to be the greatest father in the world. Your daughter will truly appreciate that as she grows older. Right now, your ex is trying to manipulate your daughter's thoughts which is unfortunate.



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