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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1523
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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My ex and i split at the end of 2005, i stayed at home and

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My ex and i split at the end of 2005, i stayed at home and looked after our 2 youngest children Aaron who was 13 at the time and Kaci who was 1. 18 months went by with my ex only seeing them for 8 hours a week before it was all sorted in court that i would have Kaci Thursday's, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays with mom having her the rest of the week, My son Aaron as always stayed here but visit's mom at 3 till 7.30. I have stayed in the house we lived in for 23 years and mom as lived in a few places since leaving. Kaci wanted to do after school club but mom said no and at a mediation meeting mom said she didnt want Kaci doing after school club because she would lose time and not see her. I and the lady at the mediation meeting both told mom that if its what Kaci wanted then she should be allowed to open her wings. I agreed that mom could have kaci every other sunday after 4.30 because that is the time she wanted her. It was also agreed that she would stop sleeping with her and start putting her in her bed, because she is now 7 years old and she wanted me to sleep with her when she was at mine leaving me getting out of bed around 9 times a night to comfort her because i was sleeping in my own bed. Here kaci plays with her friends, i run a youth community group and kaci is a big part of that and we are always active. Kaci tells my mom she sits in the back of the car driving everyone around when she is with mom and then sits in the back room playing with Aaron when they are at moms. The thing that is starting to upset me is she cries and tells me she doesn't want to go, i tell her she will have fun with mom and do lots of things. I dropped her off this Monday and she got out of the car, gave me a kiss and went into moms with Aaron i waited for Aaron because its schools holidays and Kaci wanted him to go with her and he is not allowed to stay because she said the court order says 3 till 7.30. The next thing Kaci is screaming and running out of the front door, across the pavement and starting to run across the road just as mom grabs her and pulls her into the house. Words cant say how upset i was at seeing this but went to see her and again told her she would have lots of fun and a great time. Kaci is now going back to how she was when she was little and used to kick the dash bored on the car when she found out she is going to moms. I know she is ok after a little while but seeing her like this does worry me. How can i help stop the crying, She borderlines on the autistic scale which doesn't make things any easier because of the changes which she hates. The school have even said she as been upset over the last few months. Seeing her like that on Monday scared me i have never seen her do that before. Any help would be great
When you talk to her about not wanting to go, what does she say?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I know this might sound a bit mean but i try to go round it, Sometimes the night before she says am i at moms tomorrow and i say yeah ! then she will say ohhh. Then we sit and watch a movie. Monday she was fine really happy when she got out of the car but 2 minutes later that is when she came screaming out of the front door heading for the road. The little girl over the road who is at school with kaci asked where she was and i said she is at moms today, she replied she doesn't like it there because she told me at school. Kaci told my mother all she does is stay in or sit in the back of the car. She wrote on her bedroom door at her mothers not long ago with permanent mark, it said today was a good day and no babies allowed in my bedroom. Her moms looks after our grandchild a lot more so when she as Kaci and being younger needs more looking after. When i pick up our son Kaci will run to see me and give me her toy and say keep that safe because Tia keeps nicking it. Everything else seems fine apart from this we all get on when we are at hospital's meetings and when we see each other. I always say she will be ok and have fun thou talking to her about it she says she dont want to talk about it ! Hope that helped
Well, it looks like this might be a combination of things going on. 1) Her age, 2) Her special needs, 3) Wanting attention, 4) unhappy with the situation, etc. etc. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do when she is under your ex's roof. If you have major concerns about her treatment then obviously you would need to take this to court to get full custody. However, if there are good days and bad days, no real concern about neglect or abuse, and just a matter of making the best out of the situation; then here is what you do. 1) Get in good with the ex. Treat her kindly, have good communication, and talk with her about your concerns with your daughter. Kind of like keep your enemies close. 2) Stop avoiding the issue with your daughter. Sure she might not communicate everything she is feeling or that is going on; but being direct with her is the best way. Ask her how her visit goes, what was good and bad at the visit. Talk about how she feels when the babies are over, etc... Open communication with your daughter will be the best way to find out if something is going on or if it is just your daughter making a big deal out of nothing. So make it a habit of talking about mom's visit.
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