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He is going to be a part of the child's life. He is going to finish high school and go to college so he will be able to accept the responsibility. So I understand you to say that I should not try to get into his mind. What then do I do to cope with all of this and to ensure that he continues on the path he has set for himself?
Hello and Thank you for using Just Answer. We all make mistakes in life. Your son must be responsible for his actions. Teenage pregnancy is becoming more common than you can imagine especially due to shows that glorify it like the teen age mom shows on MTV.
Your son is probably in shock and feels like his life is over. However, he is young and can still continue to make something out of his life and contribute to the life of his unborn child. He will have the responsibility of having a child in life. It would be nice if he and his partner could get married day and raise the child as a cohesive unit. But if that does not happen, he still needs to try to be a part of the child's life.
Since he will not open up to you, then you may want to seek professional counseling for him. He should not hold his emotions inside. The truth will set him free. He will feel so much better. He still needs your guidance and support. He is not mature enough to set out on his own path.
Your son has become a closed book because of the situation of impregnating a girl when he is in fact still a child himself. Most teen age boys probably would not even tell their parents. I think counseling may be worth a try.
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What sucks - he used protection and it didn't work! Other than having sex when he shouldn't, he did everything right and it failed him. I doubt he will go for counseling unless it gets bad for him. Right now the baby isn't here so it probably seems unreal for him. What scares me is suicide. I don't think he would do that and I do know he has friends he is talking to about it but I still worry. Thanks for your help.
I hear that so often that the protection fails our youths. I guess they get so caught up in the feel good moment that they get careless as well. When the baby comes, reality will hit him. Suicide should not be an option. He will have a child who will need a father. He is just still so young now. If he will not go to counseling, then you can to receive intervention and coping strategies in dealing with your son. Additionally, if your son ever mentions suicide and seems serious, call the National/Local Suicide Hotline immediately.
I am wondering if there is more to this situation than just the pregnancy.
Even if your son does not want to talk now, just let him know that you will always be there for him no matter what happens. This is the time that he really needs you and not his friends.
Does your son feel that now he has to marry this girl? He probably feels like his freedom will soon be over having a child. He may feel like he will not be able to hang out with his friends much anymore. But it is hard to tell specifically until he decides to open up to you, a close relative, or counselor, or even a pastor.
The relationship with the girl has been a weird one. they fell in like a couple of years ago and she has never stopped caring about him. I think she has chased him ever since mostly by texting. Once in awhile he will respond to her but would never make it clear to her that he didn't want a relationship with her. So last March, he gets together with her and inadvertently creates a baby. I don't believe he has any intention of marrying her but says to her he will be there for the baby as much as is possible. She has agreed to this. He is still talking about football, graduating from high school and going to college. He thinks she will be the primary parent to the child while he finishes all these plans and gets a job. I don't think he will reject the child. And we (his parents) will not reject the child. But I worry about him because he doesn't talk to me about this. He will talk about everything else. Thanks for your help. I have been considering counseling for myself about this and other things but don't know if I can get him into counseling but I will seriously look into it.