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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Okay, I will try this out. My 17 year old son just found out

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Okay, I will try this out. My 17 year old son just found out the girl he had sex with in March is pregnant. He is very closed mouth about it and I am really worried about him. I didn't raise him to hold his deep emotions inside of him but somewhere along the line he learned it. I need to know what to say to him, do for him or maybe do for me.
You talk to him about putting the child up for adoption. He can't raise a child. You will be stuck raising the child. Talk to both of them about putting the child up for adoption as to give the child a fighting chance in this world.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
The girl is going to raise the child and her parents are on board with that. I want to know how to deal with my son.
So your son is not going to take part in the child's life? If I am you, I would take him to parenting classes, help him get a job, get him books on raising a child, etc. At this point educating him as much as possible for raising a child and having him support the child would be the avenue I would take. A 17 year-old talking about feelings is laughable.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

He is going to be a part of the child's life. He is going to finish high school and go to college so he will be able to accept the responsibility. So I understand you to say that I should not try to get into his mind. What then do I do to cope with all of this and to ensure that he continues on the path he has set for himself?


So it is more a matter of you coping with this shocking news? What's done is done. He has to make his own path. You had a path for him all along and we see that that obviously didn't work out. he needs to deal with the reality of the matter. Sometimes that means diverting from the path to do what is needed. You provide him with support (i.e. shoulder to lean on, ear to listen) if he asks for it. No sense in forcing him to talk.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
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Experience: Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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Hello and Thank you for using Just Answer. We all make mistakes in life. Your son must be responsible for his actions. Teenage pregnancy is becoming more common than you can imagine especially due to shows that glorify it like the teen age mom shows on MTV.


Your son is probably in shock and feels like his life is over. However, he is young and can still continue to make something out of his life and contribute to the life of his unborn child. He will have the responsibility of having a child in life. It would be nice if he and his partner could get married day and raise the child as a cohesive unit. But if that does not happen, he still needs to try to be a part of the child's life.


Since he will not open up to you, then you may want to seek professional counseling for him. He should not hold his emotions inside. The truth will set him free. He will feel so much better. He still needs your guidance and support. He is not mature enough to set out on his own path.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Are you unhappy with the answers from both experts?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
No, I liked your answer. The other person seemed to be a little to brisk. Maybe I didn't ask the questions right, but you helped alot. My son has been an open book until it came to girls, maybe all teens are like that, I don't know. I worry about him and need to know what I need to do to help him. I guess nothing, because he won't talk to me about it and he won't let me talk to him.

Your son has become a closed book because of the situation of impregnating a girl when he is in fact still a child himself. Most teen age boys probably would not even tell their parents. I think counseling may be worth a try.


If I have helped, you can accept my answer and then I will put in a request for a refund from the other expert's answer if you were not happy with that answer.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

What sucks - he used protection and it didn't work! Other than having sex when he shouldn't, he did everything right and it failed him. I doubt he will go for counseling unless it gets bad for him. Right now the baby isn't here so it probably seems unreal for him. What scares me is suicide. I don't think he would do that and I do know he has friends he is talking to about it but I still worry. Thanks for your help.

I hear that so often that the protection fails our youths. I guess they get so caught up in the feel good moment that they get careless as well. When the baby comes, reality will hit him. Suicide should not be an option. He will have a child who will need a father. He is just still so young now. If he will not go to counseling, then you can to receive intervention and coping strategies in dealing with your son. Additionally, if your son ever mentions suicide and seems serious, call the National/Local Suicide Hotline immediately.


I am wondering if there is more to this situation than just the pregnancy.


Even if your son does not want to talk now, just let him know that you will always be there for him no matter what happens. This is the time that he really needs you and not his friends.Wink

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I am wondering if there is more to this situation than just the pregnancy. That is an interesting statement. What do you mean?

Does your son feel that now he has to marry this girl? He probably feels like his freedom will soon be over having a child. He may feel like he will not be able to hang out with his friends much anymore. But it is hard to tell specifically until he decides to open up to you, a close relative, or counselor, or even a pastor.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

The relationship with the girl has been a weird one. they fell in like a couple of years ago and she has never stopped caring about him. I think she has chased him ever since mostly by texting. Once in awhile he will respond to her but would never make it clear to her that he didn't want a relationship with her. So last March, he gets together with her and inadvertently creates a baby. I don't believe he has any intention of marrying her but says to her he will be there for the baby as much as is possible. She has agreed to this. He is still talking about football, graduating from high school and going to college. He thinks she will be the primary parent to the child while he finishes all these plans and gets a job. I don't think he will reject the child. And we (his parents) will not reject the child. But I worry about him because he doesn't talk to me about this. He will talk about everything else. Thanks for your help. I have been considering counseling for myself about this and other things but don't know if I can get him into counseling but I will seriously look into it.

Sounds a little like the girl trapped him and by becoming pregnant, she thought she could keep your son too. As for now, allow your son to finish his dreams of school and football. What great aspirations to have. He may come around and one day accept the child. However, what will happen is that the girl may sue for child support once your son has the financial means to provide for the child. Just be prepared that the girl can get real nasty and demand visitation and the like. I have seen it all. Then you would need legal advice would could get costly and time consuming if goes that route.
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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