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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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My daughters are planning on running away to there fathers

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My daughters are planning on running away to there fathers house .I dont know what to do ..He lives in Ky and I live in Cali . I grounded them last week and have had nothing but rebelling girls ..there family back east is encouraging them to come out . I have full custody of them since 2001. I need help I am scared to even be at work and then go home and them not be there. Thank you Tina
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.

Hello and Thank you for using the services of Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you are having with your daughters. How old are they? Why do they want to live with their dad? Have they ever had any counseling? Thank you.



Customer: replied 5 years ago.
My girls are 15 and 16 years old . No they have never had counseling before .. As far as why they just tell me that they want to get to know their father before it's to late .. This time it happen when they got in trouble . I dont want them to run from there problems , they won't talk to me about it .They seem closed minded when I talk to them .
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.

Thank you for responding. There are several issues going on here. First of all, it is the rebellious behavior of your daughters. They are in the thick of their teen age years and are constantly in a power struggle with you as they are trying to assert their independence. They did not just one day wake up and act rebellious. It was probably a gradual process that has overtaken your authoritative role as a parent. They may have always held onto negative feelings toward you about the split from their dad. If you were married and actually went through a divorce, it was understandably hard on everyone despite the reason for the divorce. Little girls need their fathers. They have matured without their dad and have come to the realization that they have missed out on that relationship.


However, the other issue is that they want to run away to be with their dad. First of all, street life is romanticized by television and movies. Your girls think that running away will give them power of not having to listen to anyone and doing whatever they please. But the streets are very dangerous and filled with cruel and predatory individuals that are just waiting to snatch up young girls. They would probably end up living on the streets or even become involved as a human trafficking slave and would never make it to their dad's house.


If you are open to the idea of the girls getting to know their dad and he is as well, start scheduling visits during school breaks. However depending upon what state you live in, when children reach a certain age, usually around 13, they can decide what parent they would like to live with. If your girls ever brought this issue up, then you would need to seek legal advice.


If you keep telling your daughters not to run away, you will push them to actually do it if they have the willingness to leave. They have opportunities every day to run away. That is the scariest part. There is really nothing you can do to physically stop them. However, unless they are just completely out of control, you can guide them back on the right path. Let them know that you love them and you always will love them even when you all disagree.


You will need to try to break through to them and get them to tell you what is so bad about their home life with you. If they will not talk to you, then you need to seek family therapy from a neutral source. Ask your daughter's pediatrician for a referral for a psychologist or counselor that can provide you all with the necessary means to reconnect with each other. Your daughters need to learn effective problem solving strategies instead of continuing to run away from problems that everyone endures. You also need to gain intervention and coping techniques in dealing with your daughters.


Hope this helps.Smile



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