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hi my daughter is still out and i received one text from her yesterday after i asked where she was staying she told me the name of a girl who i know little about. I am divorced from her father and both my daughter and I have been living with my partner for the last two years. ye s my daughter usually goes into town at the weekends to meet her friends and a boyfriend who has been on the scene for the last 18 months on and off. more on than off for the last 6 months. i know a couple of her friends but she tends to be out with them rather than bring them back to the house so i can't say i know tha tm uch about them. She has one friend who lives near by who i really like and i know her mum a little. I have spoken to this mum a little about various things to do with the girls. Does this help with giving me some advise on how to tackle this?
Thank you for responding. One problem that has occurred is that your daughter has had way too much freedom. You are correct in the sense that she feels like she can do whatever she wants. You need to know who her friends are and her exact whereabouts at all times. Since she has run away this time, she may actually be staying with the boyfriend someplace. You can not be 100% sure that she is with the friend that she claims she is staying with. What you can do is to contact your local police department. When your daughter runs away and you have no idea where she is, you can file a missing person's report and they will search for her. When your daughter realizes that the police are involved, she may accept the seriousness of her actions.
Your daughter cannot run away from her problems. Just continue to be as loving and supportive as you can even though you will not agree with her lifestyle. When she runs away, she is really seeking attention and desperately crying out for help. You need to be there for her and try to discover the cause of her behavior. Talk to her about what has been going on in her life. Tell her that you are concerned about the choices that she is making. Tell her that you want to to help get through the challenging teen age years . She may be out with her friends and feeling the pressures or trying alcohol and drugs and even to have sex with her boyfriend. You need to discuss all of these things with your daughter before she is influenced by her friends.
If you cannot break through to your daughter, then and additional route would be to seek professional counseling for yourself in dealing with your daughter and for your daughter in dealing with the pressures of being a teen.
Hope this provides you with some insight. Have a great Sunday!!!
Thank you for your reply. There is no way she can go and live with her father as he is a totally irresponsible parent. I know that he smokes pot, has an anger problem and lives in a total hole. My daughter has not been to see him for over a year because of this. i know that she sometimes talks to him on face book . However last night I heard her talking to him on the phone which is obviously because she knows he will take her side as he has no boundaries. There is a little more to this than I have previously said. I have another older daughter 18 now. Who at 14 starting pushing the boundaries until I could take no more. At the time she was smoking, drinking and her attitude was appalling. With all this going on I had no support from her father who contsantly told her that I was not worth listening to. the culmination of all this was she held a party at my house when I was away caused £5000 worth of damage to the house and the police were called. I could take no more at this point and said to her father that he should have her for a couple of weeks. the end result was that she never came back to me as she refused. Her Dad has always let her do what she wanted so as a teenager this was far more attractive to her. I have a better relationship with my older daughter now and she can see what her father is like. There have been various things in her 3 years of living with him that have made her see him for what he is. So i think you can understand that it would be my worse nightmare if Molly ( my youngest) were to go down the same route. However my problem at the moment is that I know if I reign her in ie punish her for her bad behaviour this is going to push her towards her father and I can't take that again it has been like living a nightmare for the last 3 years! ! I would appreciate your thoughts on all of this please
Thank youu for the background information about your 14 year old. She is simply imitating the actions of her older sister. She therefore wants you to push her to the limit of going to live with her dad so that she can truly reeign and do whatever she pleases.
Thus, you need to take a different route with your 14 year old daughter so that history does not repeat itself. You and her need to seek family therapy or counseling on an on going basis. You cannot do this alone. You are trying but you need additional assistance. Your daughter needs to own up and face her problems. You need to have open and honest discussions with her with the guidance of a counselor.
one more question please. My daughter and I are not talking at the moment. I did try and talk to her yesterday, her lap top has been confiscated, her pocket money stopped and I have asked her to come straight home from school rather than going into town which she sometimes does. Do you think the best thing is to not talk to her to show her that i am still displeased with her.... if that makes sense?? I just think if I talk to her as normal ie ask her if she's had a good day at school etc she will think I have forgotten what she has done and therefore it may happen again??