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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Hi, I have a son who is about to turn 20 soon... we are estranged currently, because he has been extremely verbally abusive to me, for about 3 years. As of the last time he raged on me ( April of this year) I told him that I would no longer accept his treatment, and that unless he was willing to get apologize ( with sincerity- I will know the difference) and seek help I do not want him around me- AT ALL... I told him that I loved him dearly, and that I would be first in line to help him should he ever decide to seek treatment... I strongly suspect he is a drug addict, due to his admitted use of marijuana... I suspect harder drugs as well, because of the enormous shift in personality.. and I know pot doesn't do that to a person. The problem is this: I can't get him off my mind! I am able to function ( ie, work and take care of the rest of my family) but there is always this black cloud over me! I'm so sad about this... I miss him so much! He was always such a sweet little boy... What do I do about his birthday??? other times when this has happened, around either his birthday or Christmas, he has always called ( not really apologized ever, but just started talking as though nothing happened... and I have never held him to it either) I get the strong feeling that the only reason he does this is because he wants gifts. There is still time yet, before his birthday, but if he does call, I will have a very hard time believing he is sincere, if he apologizes at all... if he does not call- then that is something entirely different. I feel as his mom I should attempt to make contact with him on his birthday... but then again, HE has made this choice to stay away and not be part of this family. He is a man now, not a child... I would certainly not call any other man who has treated me as he has! Any advice??
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems with your son. Where does your son live? Does he have a relationship with his dad? Do you have any other children? Thank you!!!
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
He lives in town, about 20 minutes from me, but I don't know where. He moved the beginning of May, which incidentally was the reason for the latest rage... he asked me to cosign for him for his lease and I said no. He is not the most reliable person when it comes to holding a job and paying bills...and I didn't want to risk being responsible for a lease I can't afford! ( I wouldn't do it even if I COULD afford it!)
He does not have a relationship with his biological father- he denied him from the moment I told him I was expecting. He also does not have a relationship with my ex husband, who was "dad" from the moment he was born ( he disappeared from both my son's lives shortly after we divorced. He also does not have a relationship with my current husband of 13 years, as he was a strict dad, and actually had expectations of my children... I have one other son who is 17, and a step daughter who is 13... the rest of us get along pretty well, most of the time
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
is there anybody there? :(
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Seriously?? is there nobody there to help me?!?!? :'(
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

So sorry for the delay in responding. Sometimes requests are not posted like they should be. I sense a great deal of pain and frustration from a very loving mother. It has been said that time heals all wounds. Give your son the space right now to see if he can get his act together. You will always love him without a doubt. If you can text him or call, do so every blue moon just to check in on him and to let him know that you care. If he totally ignores you, just continue on with your life. You cannot change his actions but you can change your reactions to his actions. Try to find out where he lives through any of his friends that you may now. Write him a heartfelt letter expressing your concerns that he can refer back to at a later time. Nonetheless, he is an adult and must fall before he picks himself back up and starts on a much better journey in lie.


Hope this provides you with some insight.

proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
thank you for your reply
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
You are very welcome. My apologies again in the delay. Have a wonderful day and request Jordan1314 in your question if you need further assistance.