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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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I am butting heads with my 10 year old son all the time. Every

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I am butting heads with my 10 year old son all the time. Every time that he doesn't get his way, he talks back and has an attitude. For example, everytime we go out to the mall, grocery store, anywhere, he's always whinniing and having his atttitude, talking back because he expects that he will getting something. I have explained to him many times that you can't get things you want all the time whenever we go out. Please help me, I really don't want this to get out of control.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you are experiencing with your son. You must carefully select your battles. Every time that your son reacts in a negative way, he craves the attention from you in the way that you are reacting. It is more of a game to him now so that he can get his way. What you must consciously do is to focus on the positive behavior. Explain to him what you expect before you go out any place. Tell him specifically where you are going to go and what will be done there. Make him repeat your instructions/tasks. Ask him if he clearly understands what you have said and what he has repeated and if he has any further questions. If you can make it through the outing without any outbursts, then really praise him for maintaining control. Then maybe after 3-5 outings without any outbursts, he can be rewarded with a special treat, outing, or whatever. Keep track on a little chart. Then you may change it to 7-10 outings. See how this goes for a while. Your goal is to try and get your son to act more positively. He is still at the age where he will respond to rewards and incentives. It is not worth your time and effort to argue with him, especially in public. If he does get out of control, discuss it when you get to the car or at home. Try the reward system and see how that goes. Thank you!!!
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have explained to him before going out that we are going to get other things. But he is so stubborn and continues his whinning and atttitudes. And when he continues to get that way I get frustrated.
Hello. Hope you are having a good day. Parenting is not democratic. You must be the authoritative force and not give into your son. If you do, he is manipulating you and gaining power. Try not to get so frustrated. Tell your son what you expect and the consequences for his misbehavior. Limit tv , computer time, video games. Do not allow him to play with friends. Whatever he likes, take it away. When you tell him he cannot have something during an outing, that's it. Do not discuss it further. He wants to push your buttons and knows what will upset you. Flip the script and start completely ignoring him when he starts the whining. It is going to be very hard at first but when you are not reacting to his unfavorable actions, he will change over time. If he seems to be getting worse, discuss the matter further with his pediatrician. But his behavior is completely normal as he approaches the teen age years and is struggling to be assertive and seemingly independent.