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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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hello eli, i am a grandmother who has a 13 1/2 yo granddaughter.

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hello eli,

i am a grandmother who has a 13 1/2 yo granddaughter. parents divorced, but father active in life. mother has met a man about 2 yrs ago and the children are having difficulty with this persons rigid controlling disciplinary approaches. have had multiple discussion with daughter re concerns about the miss match with the children, ages 131/2 and 9years. the style of rigid discipline is being adopted by my daughter is creating great distress for both children but particularly the oldest. i am very close to my grand and she talks to me about many things that most would not approach a grandparent with. currently mt grand is punished from the phone, friends, and her mom had called one parent to say this child is never to contact my grand again. it seems there was something mother found on facebook she was disturbed about from youtube. my granddaughter actually told me she could no longer deal with her mother choosing her friends, firing her friends and the change she sees, as do my husband and myself, since this engagement. she was actually threatening suicide on saturday night. i made her promise me she would call me before she did anything like that. at this point her mom has her house bound unless she goes with her. i have spoken with my former son-in-law about my concerns and also the 9 year old told me this man touched her in a way that made her uncomfortable, but did not wish i tell her mom as she was afraid. as a grand parent is there anything i can do as an advocate for these girls? talking to my daughter is like talking to a wall. it is as though she has become possessed and her entire personality has become one of barking orders at her girls, punishments that far exceed the crime and restricts them to only the church affiliation she and this man have chosen. the man did not appreciate something the other grand father said so now my daughter does not let them see their other grandparents unless they are n their dads weekend and this is so distressing to them because they have always been very involved with the girls. if you can direct me please do so. i am concerned about my granddaughters and i am a newly retired nurse practitioner and i know what this type of stuff does to children. to me it is abuse, but maybe i am just too near sided.

Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that your grand children are experiencing with their mom and her partner. You are in a difficult situation but at least your grand daughter can confide in you. The concerning aspects are what is really happening in that household behind closed doors. There may be mental abuse. You have already hinted about inappropriate touching.


A course of action that you may want to take is to call your local child abuse hotline. You can tell them..without giving your name...all about what you have witnessed and know about the relationship between your grand daughter and her mom and partner. They will lead you in the right direction to take based on your knowledge. If you decide to file a report, an investigation will proceed. This is a serious situation especially since your grand daughter had thoughts of suicide. There may be much more to the ordeal than you know.


Hope this helps and provides you with insight. Thanks!!!

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