I have a 2 1/2 year old son who is extremely independent and strong-willed. Overall he li…

My initial question was cut short, and I am not sure why it did not post in its entirety. Also, when I originally accepted for my question to be answered, the expert was one in the field of child psychology, but I was given a different expert after submitting my payment information. I have already worked on a regular sleep schedule. Prepping him for transition times as mentioned above have improved the situations, but I have other concerns that did not post with my original question. Sometimes during these tantrums or even during a time-out, he has hit his head or fists on the wall. I have tried to ignore these behaviors as I have read that most children will stop when it gets to the point that they are hurting themselves. As I was saying with the issue at the store and needing to take him out to the car, he hit, kicked, screamed, and head butted me. Once in the car and strapped in his car seat, I closed the door and stood outside of the car. I have read that it is important to draw as little attention to the negative behavior as possible. He began hitting the car door with his fist, but I ignored it to show that it was not a behavior that was going to get him what he wanted. He continued to bang his fist to the point where he had four bloody knuckles, and his hand was swollen. I moved the car seat (while he was in it) to the center of the car. Eventually, I was able to get him to calm down enough that I could talk to him, but in most cases this does not happen until he has worn himself out from the screaming. When we got home, I even had my husband calmly talk to him about it as well to let him know that we don't want him to hurt himself just because he is mad and to stress how important it was. I have relocated the time-out spot to be away from the wall, but the initial result was him flinging himself from his chair. He then proceeded to bang his head on the floor to get my attention. When this occurred, I was beside myself not knowing how to keep him from hurting himself. I went out to the car, brought his car seat in, and strapped him into the the car seat in the middle of his room. This method has now been used three times, and it appears that he has stopped trying to hit his head and fists. Now, when his tantrum is done, I still make him do his full time-out quietly in his seat with his hands folded. I do not start the timer for his time-outs until he has calmed himself down to show him that this behavior does not get him out of his time-outs or get him what he wants. These fits are further apart, and it had been months since the last episode like this, but over the past week, he has now had five. He is increasingly getting stronger. His ability to reason during these tantrums is none. Outside of these tantrums he is very easy to reason with. I should add that when they occur, these tantrums can last anywhere from a half hour to two hours (yes, he has kicked and screamed for over two hours). The pediatrician did not seem particularly alarmed by any of these behaviors, though my mom seems to think that they are highly abnormal and that he needs special medical attention. My husbands counselor says that we are handling things the right way by not letting him get away with what he wants. He does not seem to be intimidated by much authority. Spankings were highly ineffective (I tried at the suggestion of some family and found myself hating it and quit immediately when he was demanding I spank him after deliberately doing something wrong). Since before nine months of age, he has constantly tested his boundaries. I am trying to figure out at what point do I stop saying that he is just being strong willed and testing me and starting seeking professional help. The professionals I have asked thus far (including a friend who is a school counselor) all seem to be pretty relaxed about it. Surely there are steps I can take to lesson and hopefully eventually prevent these situations from happening. I am also looking for ways to change the outcome of when the tantrums do occur to be more positive. I have had to restrain him to keep him from harming himself, but restraining him seems to escalate him to be more violently angry to the point where he has twice vomited because he was so upset. I am not sure what to do anymore. Each time I feel that I am working to handle the situation to the best of my ability, my mother makes me feel like I am raising my son to be criminally insane. I do not want to be so ignorant as to ignore crucial signs that there is something wrong, but I also want to show my son I have the confidence and authority over him to not have others step in to help control the situation (sometimes my husband or my parents have interjected).

I would appreciate my information being released to someone whose is an expert in dealing counseling children. Thank you.

Also, I do not remember the name of whom I originally thought the question would go.