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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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12 year old boy is smart. He just does not try in school. Doesnt

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12 year old boy is smart. He just does not try in school. Doesnt care, doesnt seem to worry about consecuences. Worried about the now, trys just getting by. Tried harsh grounding, didnt care if he sat an stared at wall all day. Tried letting him earn his time with good grades, lies about what he gets just to get his way for the now. Got him medicine to help him concentrate, helps some but medicine cant help "lazy" or "not caring"....suggestions?

Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you are having with your son. Could you provide a little background information so that I can understand the situation a bit more. Has your son always behaved in such a manner? Is he an only child? Are both parents in the home? Was he diagnosed with anything in order to receive such medication? Does he have many friends? What outside of school activities does he participate in? Thank you!!!

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Hello and thanks for the prompt reply.


Me and his mom is divorced, we get along pretty good. I am remarried and both my current wife and I have educational background. I have 3 children total, Wil (12) the oldest who Im inquiring about, a Girl (9) had with ex wife. We have a 4 year old with my current wife.


Like I said Wil is smart, probably more common sense wise. He can read something and remember it so I know he is smart. He just remembers what he wants. He has struggled in school, but never a F.


We had him evaluated for medicine last school year. They told us he was border line but it was our choice. We opted to to help him stop fidgeting and concentrate better. He did make A & B honor roll by the end of last school year.


He has plenty of friends and is very sociable and all his friends seem to be good kids and do well in school. He plays baseball and football for little league. He is interested in anything outside, fishing dirt bikes etc. Also he is in Band starting this year.


Seems he works hard on getting out of the work rather than doing the work.


Thanks are some suggestions to help your son. You already may be doing some of them.


1. Set proper expectations for your son. Make sure they are high (but not too high) and he is aware of them. Communicate with him often about meeting the expectations.


2. Along with expectations, have your son write down his own goals in all areas and how he plans on achieving the goals. For example: I am going to get better grades by studying more and doing my homework well.


3. Show your child that you think school is important. Ask him how his days are. Conference with the teachers often. Make sure that he has an appropriate environment to complete his homework. Keep up with his assignments. Stay positive about school even when he is not doing well.


4. Support your son's learning style. He may be a more visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learner.


5. Provide much encouragement and praise.


6. Encourage resiliency so that your son will be ready for whatever life throws his way. Teach him to solve his own problems with your support. Focus on his strengths. Make sure that he understands that mistakes will happen and he can learn from them.


Here are some additional resources that may help:


Bright Minds, Poor Grades: Understanding and Motivating Your Underachieving Child

by: Michael D. Whitley


Motivated Minds: Raising Children to Love Learning

by: Deborah Stipek and Kathy Seal


If you still feel like you need more for your son, he may need additional counseling from a professional who can provide him with intervention techniques and strategies in dealing with his lack of motivation and possible low self esteem.


Hope this helps you!!!! Have a GREAT evening.Laughing

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Thanks....sorry, I didnt realize the accept answer button.


yes, I have tried almost everything of all types of motivation.


I will check out the books.