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I just found out that my 16 year old daughter has a secret

Customer Question
relationship with a 21 year...
I just found out that my 16 year old daughter has a secret relationship with a 21 year old band member - tattoos and those stretched out earlobe things. I am angry and irrational and I want to rain judgement and police down on the situation so he can register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. But I have not said anything yet - I want to handle this well and not create a situation where she then clings to him to spite us. She left her facebook up on my laptop and I am monitoring their conversations. I have not told her dad yet - there will be fireworks and I really want to be the voice of reason. This has been going on since she was 15 (9/2010) - and now I see all the lies and the deception. I think he is coming over to our home when we are asleep. I don't kn
Submitted: 6 years ago.Category: Parenting
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Answered in 3 minutes by:
5/3/2011
Parenting Counselor: multistatelaw,
 replied 6 years ago
multistatelaw
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 33,167
Verified

I am sorry to hear of your difficult situation and am working on your answer now.

 

In which state do you reside?

 

 

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Customer reply replied 6 years ago

California

Customer reply replied 6 years ago
I wasn't looking for legal advice - wanted parentingadvice on teens
Parenting Counselor: multistatelaw,
 replied 6 years ago

I see.

 

Since your daughter is under the age of 18, the boyfriend could be convicted of statutory rape if their communications indicate they are having sexual intercourse. This should be reported to the local police and the prosecutor would likely bring criminal charges against him if the case can be proven.

 

Here is a link that sets out CA statutory rape laws:

 

http://www.sexlaws.org/california_statutory_rape

 

After making the police report, you may also wish to pursue a no contact order against him, preventing him from having any contact with your daughter or risk being arrested and held in contempt of court or having additional criminal charges brought against him.

 

It would be best to retain a local criminal law attorney if you wish to pursue such an order. No contact may be a condition of probation if the boyfriend is convicted, but you may wish to obtain one before that while the criminal case is pending.

 

 

Good luck and take care.

Tina

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Customer reply replied 6 years ago
I was not looking for legal advice - I needed parenting advice! what do I do?
Parenting Counselor: multistatelaw,
 replied 6 years ago

I will opt out and request that your question be sent to the proper category.

 

Take care.

 

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Parenting Counselor: vaadofrosemont,
 replied 6 years ago
vaadofrosemont
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1,669
Verified

Hi...My name is XXXXX XXXXX I am an attorney here with Just Answer. I understand you are not looking for legal advice but you came to a legal advice website. However I am also a parent of daughters. If you would like I will take a shot at your question, if you would prefer to get professional parenting advice you will need to go to another site, let me know.

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Customer reply replied 6 years ago
I
Customer reply replied 6 years ago
Sorry about the first post. I don't know how I got onto a legal webpage - I was in Dr. Phil ask an expert and then it went to legal. How can I get a counselor that can give me parenting advice? Do I start over? This is frustrating - I feel like I am wasting legal experts time just to get out of this loop - so sorry.
Parenting Counselor: proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach replied 6 years ago
proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1,374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
Verified

Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you have experienced with your daughter. You did receive legal advice so you are aware of that route. I am a Parenting Expert so this is my take on the situation since you have requested parenting advice.

 

1. Explain what you know about the entire situation with her dad. The fireworks will flare but you both must be on the same page with this issue. It is better that he be told than to find out another way and then later finding out that you kept this a secret from him.

 

2. You and your daughter's dad (husband?) need to sit down and discuss all that you know about the situation with your daughter. You must be open and honest with her. Discuss how he can be categorized as a sex offender. She may think it is "cool" to be hanging out with an "older" guy but explain to her how she is being used probably for sex. He most likely showers her with gifts and money to keep her around. Let her have time to explain her side of the situation as well. Then tell her that she needs to stop seeing him. She will have a royal fit but then it is time for tough love. If you find out that she is still seeing him, punish her. Limit her out of the house activities. Limit her computer time and cell phone usage. Make her feel as though she is in jail.

 

3. Then...this is the hardest step if the relationship does not cease. You and your daughter's dad need to contact the boyfriend and/or his parents. He and his parents may not even know the true age of your daughter. Tell him/them that you do not approve of the relationship and even bring up the entire legal information if desired. Explain that if she was 18, there would be no problem. But as her parents who are her legal guardians, your desire is for the relationship to end. You may want to make a phone call instead of an actual face to face visit. You never know about people these days and if they may become violent.

 

4. Then there is the legal route which you may want to pursue anyway.

 

5. You can also call your local child abuse department. They are available 24 hours and they can even provide more advice if you do not want to contact the authorities yourself. They will begin the investigation.

 

I really hope this helps you. I wish you much luck with getting your daughter back on the right track. If you need more advice, please feel free to let me know. Have a great rest of the week.Laughing

proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
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