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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Telling boys ages 10 and 12 that their parents are separating,

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Telling boys ages 10 and 12 that their parents are separating, and explaining that we will still live in the same house for a time (months): what are the key bits of advice you can offer about what really matters to them in terms of our key messages and what reactions we can expect to get from boys that age? Message I think fit are: Mummy and daddy are having adult relationship difficulties so we will be living in separate bedrooms and spending time doing things separately, but we are still both here for you and will listen to you and talk together about what you feel adn what you need. We are your parents as always and you are our priority as always. Your family might be different now but it is still your family and we both love both of you. And our relationship difficulties are about adult problems which you do not need to know about, all you need to know is that this is not anything to do with you boys, it is NOT your fault in ANY way. We both love you and our love for you, our children, is entirely complete and unchanged. And we still share being your parents and always will. Its normal to feel sad, and maybe angry. Talk to friends, to us, it helps. This change is usually difficult for children adn othre things like school may feel difficult, so if they do, let us know and we will support you. And you can talk to any teachers that you feel comfortable talking with. We will listen. We are changing how our family is because of complicated adult problems, but that does not change anything about our devotion and love to you, our children. And we will help you through this change to all our lives. Is there anything in there that is best not said. Anything missing from there that is vital messages for two young boys? (one with high emotional intelligence and dyslexia aged 12 in April, and one with hugely rational brain that requires explanations for everything, to process and form own judgement, aged 10 in May) Please share any comments, any pearls of wisdom, as I am open to advice that takes care of my kids through this tradgic but necessary life change. thansk
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

Hello and Thank you for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear that the parents are separating. The two boys may be sad and even become depressed if divorce is in the future. They may also attach to one parent more and worry about who they will ultimately live with.


Your message sums up everything perfectly. The boys however will wonder about exactly what kind of adult problems that you are referring to. You must be ready to offer them some type of general explanation rather do not need to know.


You may also want to seek family therapy while your family is going through this transition. The boys may be more willing to release their emotions to a more neutral source.


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