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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I have a son who is 33 and married, two kids, lives on west

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I have a son who is 33 and married, two kids, lives on west coast. We live on east coast. He isn't talking to us, and I'm not even sure what I've done to upset him. THis has lasted for a couple of years now. I'm now aware that he is having major problems -- financial (house was almost repossed in Dec), marital (his wife has mental issues and has aliented the entire family), and depression (his dad, my ex-husband died 18 mos ago). My other sons who live near him are telling me he's the worst they have ever seen him.

I'm torn -- how do I not offer help to my child, but how do I even re-establish communications with him when he won't answer my calls, texts, or emails?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

Hello my friend. I am sorry to hear about the relationship with your son. One thing that you have on your side is time which does heal all wounds. Keep the emails coming, the phone calls as well as the letters. That way he knows that you are still interested in his well being and that you care and love and support him. He is probably going through some tough times emotional, professional, and financial. He may be too embarassed to come to you for advice. If you have no idea what the source of the conflict is between yourself and him, maybe you can have one of your other sons casually ask him by saying, "Hey, have you talked to mom lately? Why not?" Then that son should let it go and tell you about your estranged son's response so that you will have some ideas about why he feels the way he does.


The main thing to understand is that we cannot control other people and make them change. They will change when they are ready. We can only change our reactions to their actions.


Hope this has provided some insight. If you need more advice, please ask. Thank you.

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