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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
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My 8 year old son Jack still sleeps in my bed, his dad and

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My 8 year old son Jack still sleeps in my bed, his dad and myself separated in 2006. I let him sleep with me then as I did not think I could possibly be doing him any harm. It was not a very pleasant separation from him father he moved in with his new partner about 2 months after leaving our marital home. We went through mediation and agreed to have shared custody of Jack, his dad Ryan was a brilliant father he thought the world of Jack. My only concern was that he bad mouthed me to Jack. Tragically his daddy died in 2009 2 months after getting married. I have had a lot of support since then from Ryans mum and dad and Jack has a very close relationship with them. However today Jack asked me what social services was. I tried to explain and he said the his Grandad had told him off and that if he carried on sleeping in my bed he would phone social services. I find this disturbing to say the least and am still in disbelief at what he said any why. Before his dad died their was quite a lot of anamosity between us although nothing was actually said to my face, Ryan had quite a lot to say and a lot of it was not true. However I had a good support network of friends and for Jacks sake I had to try and not let it bother me. However now all my concerns have flooded back to me. After Ryan died I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and wipe the slate clean, they had lost their only son and Jack his beloved daddy. I decided there and then that they needed Jack as much as he needed them. Until today I thought that they had got to know the real me without listening to the horrible things that Ryan said about me. Even though other people had told me that they only really put up with me because they had to I still thought that we had a mutual respect and understanding. I care about these people a lot and I guess I deep down I thought that they felt the same way and now I am wondering what they are really thinking and how I could have been so gullible. I love my son and do not want any unpleasantness but I can not pretend it has not been said how can I approach Grandad without things getting messy. I am physically shaking right now, and also can social services take this matter further if they are informed. Have I broken the law. PLEASE PLEASE will you help me in this matter. I will see them in the morning and really do not know how to handle this situation. As far as I am aware only Jack and his Grandad were present when this conversation took place, I am a single parent and am sat here thinking that they do not think I am a good parent hope you can help many thanks . . . G Harrison
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

You have not broken any law by simply having your son sleep in the same bed with you as long as there is no abuse of any kind happening. You seem to be a very loving and supportive mother. You have nothing to hide from social services. You may want to try limiting the co sleeping arrangements to only the weekends and then not at all as your son is getting older.


What you can also do is sit down with the grandparents and have an open and honest discussion about how you feel about things and they need to state how they feel. Maybe there are some misunderstandings that need to be brought out in the open and cleared up. If you have a family member that can attend the conversation, then have them come as well but tell the grandparents that you will be bringing that person.


The grandparents may be upset at some other issues and taking it out on you and putting their grandson in the middle of all of this. If the grandparents do not want to talk with you, then you may want to seek professional therapy/counseling for you and your son.


If you need more advice, just ask.

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