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Your frustrations with your son's hurtful words and melt downs are all completely normal. The problem is that you need to pinpoint the events that lead up to his tantrums. Once you are able to identify the events, you can begin to teach an alternative behavior. When your son is frustrated, he needs to state, "I am not happy because.... " If he cannot verbally express his feelings, have him draw a picture of what makes him mad and what makes him happy. Try to focus on doing the things that make him happy. When he does start throwing a tantrum, tell him "No. That is not the appropriate way to behave." Give him a choice as to shape up. If he continues to throw a fit, walk away. Do not continue to give his negative behavior attention...unless he is harming himself or others. Keep on focusing on the positive behavior much more than the negative. Also, when he says that he does not want to live, just ignore the comments. He is simply trying to push your buttons and get a reaction from you especially since he is such an angel at school. If more advice is needed, just ask.