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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I am dealing with an extremely controlling ex-husband. We

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I am dealing with an extremely controlling ex-husband. We have joint-custody but there is nothing joint about it. He works against me in everything and uses our child as a pawn. Debating speaking to an attorney but afraid it would backfire. He puts on such a good display around others. I have everything documented but...<br /><br />My ex-husband was extremely verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, never physically abusive.  My daughter had unexplained complaints of vaginal pain, with all the doctor's visits we never found a medical explanation. <br /><br />She still has trouble sleeping before going to his house.  He is very manipulative with her and tells her things without saying them, "Your mom is going to get mad... you are going to get in trouble....wouldn't you like to live with daddy all the time."<br /><br />His wife transferred to my daughter school as an assistant teacher 2 years ago and the school allowed him to bring an unsigned portion of a modified decreen.  They gave him full parenting rights (he wasn't entitled to) then he signed a school district power of attorney to give her full rights.  I had to battle with the school because they gave her rights over mine.<br /><br />We moved and now she is in a new school and I just found out there is another power of attorney at the new school.  His wife is in making statements about our daughter that is not true.  We are treating her for ADD (however I am positive the unexplained symptoms caused were not part of that) and saying we were not sending pills when she  is with them.<br /><br />A year and a half ago they passed a new law that allowed fathers, if they elected, to take additional time.  Now she goes there during the week from Wed after school to Sun at 6pm.  They have no rules and she can eat whatever she wants.  She often comes home feeling sick from too much junk.  <br /><br />She is struggling through school and is at risk of faily 5th grade.  She was already held back in 1st grade.  This whole situation is frustrating.  I have a great husband now and a great house.  It is very disruptive to deal with the stuff my ex-husband does.  He is really unhealthy and I question if he is not bi-polar and using substances to self-medicate. <br /><br />I have been going to Alanon for over 7 years and even with my believe in God it doesn't seem to help me get through this sometimes.  My rational mind can never understand why he acts the way he does if he cared about our daughter. Atlhough I know this isn't about me, her, it is about him and his control I think.<br /><br />Considering speaking with an attorney on Friday, afraid they will just take money and it will backfire on me somehow.  You hear about those insane situations where the dad gets custody when it is apparent he shouldn't.  However you never know.  <br /><br />Just frustrated, realizing things have not changed and more than likely won't if i do not do something. <br /><br />I believe it would be better for us to not share things and have more concrete black and white rules.  He uses the decree as a weapon against me.  This is just not working.  This is not healthy for any of us.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
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