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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
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big blow up with 15year old daughter great kid great grades

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big blow up with 15year old daughter great kid great grades very sporty dosnt go without a thing. Generaaly great daughter but her mouth is getting worse feel no respect. I feel when things go wrong in even small way eg this morning came into kitchen she was making milo looking very cranky i said what is wrong searly face i am late i said why cranky with me not my fault she turned to me and said i was wasting her time i told her she was a very rude bitch(i know that was wrong and went to my room no more confrontation. Then her dad told her to stop speaking like that to your mum or me escalated she told him to get stuffed ended in all in brawl. It seems when things going slightly off plan she looses the plot yells at everyone throws things slams computers whatever she can. We have had ongoing prob in the clean up of her room i dont excpect it to be perfect but the whole floor coverd in junk and i have been fighting for 12mths over just to straighten up i try and find the dirty clothes and carnt even put away the ironing in her room, it must effect her as well.we are moving house soon so i asked to go through things and this is the way she does it. I have offerd to help with her and she says NO stay out of my room. I have just left work and thought this would help it has been better as i havent talked about the room. But her attitude to me is she can talk to me however she wants. I have a 34yr old daughter who gets very upset for me as she sees how she speaks to me. I have just seen a doctor who said i have to get my stress under control it is not doing me any good. She can be great fun i am always with her sporting everyweek etc i know i always do to much as this morning after all this she rang and asked me to drop off her pe stuff asshe left it at home took me 10min to find her clothes on floor. i just want some advice i know she wouldnt go and see anybody but it causes fight between me and my husband and i know my son hates it he is doing year 12 and dosnt need this stress i know i have waffled on but at end of my tether Thanx Also my son said he is worried when she does year 12 even though she is clever will the stress kill all of us
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

Hello my friend. Your daughter obviously can be an angel when she wants to and then falls off the deep end to the other extreme. You need to find out what is bothering your daughter. She is obviously very frustrated and angry about something in her life. It may be problems with friends, school, peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, sex, family members, lack of freedom, etc. When children become defiant and disrespectfu and display out of control behavior, they are seeking attention. Her actions empower her and make her feel like she is in control. It is only natural for parents to fight back when their children are so defiant and disrepectful but the more parents fight back, then the worse the behavior will become. You need to ask your daughter what is bothering her to make her behave the way she does. If she will not talk to you, have her write a letter to you. Ask her to explain what she likes about her life and what she does not enjoy. You will need to guide her toward a solution. If you cannot accomplish this task and her negative behavior is escalating, then she may need to see a counselor to express her feelings. Right now, she has a thick outer skin and you must chip away at it to find out the real causes for her inappropriate behavior.

Edited by Expert4U on 2/11/2011 at 1:17 AM EST
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Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
If you need further assistance or need to add more information about your daughter to help me understand the situation better, please let me know.

Edited by Expert4U on 2/11/2011 at 1:20 AM EST
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
sorry to be neg but i am pretty sure that my daughter has none of those issues bothering her and i know she would not write me a letter i was just talking to my daughter and agree i am the problem as when she speaks to me in that manner i give it a couple of hours then act like everything ok and she knows that and has mentioned that to my older daughter. i agree she is thick skinned. She knows i dont follow through what i am still trying to grasp and fix is why she is so angry when things dont go her way eg the computer late for school i am worried in the big world will she have probs or doing her hsc or uni when she speaks to me or her dad so rudely i try and stay calm but sometimes i am just so mad at what she says i inturn i loose it(which i know is incorrect)Her brother was bullied at primary school so i make it a point to be involved (in Primary)with the lives always take to sport encourage time with friends so know all her friends and they are good kids i know some mums having probs but my daughter dosnt do the suck up to parents like most to get what they want(maybe again me because i cave to easy i just want them to be happy so even though i threaten grounding etc maybe i should carry through more
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
have you any more suggestions for me denise
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

If your daughter has stated that you are the problem then you must have a heart to heart talk with her about what specifically she dislikes about you. You have a right to know what she is so unhappy about and not in just general terms. Quite possibly, you may need to gain a thick skin just like she has. Do not be manipulated by your daughter. You are the parent here. She has learned what to do to push your buttons andn you must not let her continue to get to you. Do not get so upset when she throws a tantrum. Ignore her. See how she reacts. Do not give her negative behavior attention.


If you cannot work out the problems on your own, then I would suggest that you seek professional assistance from a family therapist who can intervene. You all need intervention and coping strategies that are specific toward your situation.


But as I have said, your daughter must be willing to open up and discuss her feelings more in depth. Otherwise, no one will truly be able to understand her unhappiness completely.

Edited by Expert4U on 2/11/2011 at 2:40 AM EST