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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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my last child has left home,and dont think she is mature enough

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my last child has left home,and dont think she is mature enough as she is hanging round with wrong people,and she left on bad terms,ie ,breaking all rules not paying her rent, i am not coping well at all ,i work with her too,so i am not getting the space i need at all to understand myself x
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Hello my friend. How old is your daughter? How long ago did she leave? Is she working or going to school? Do you have any close friends? Do you have a spouse? Do you attend church? Why did she leave on bad terms? Just trying to get a clearer understanding of the entire situation. I am here to help you. Thank you!!!
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
yes i do have close friends and a spouse,she works with me,and she is 20 yrs old,but not a mature 20 yr old,she has got a great job that pays well,so she can afford to leave home,when she was at home ,she didnt respect me with my rules and treated my home with no respect at all,at work she takes advantage and leans on me,as i really want her to progress in her career but she doesnt seem to be interested or care, she travels the world with my bosses and they treat her well and they give her access to company car,i am beginning to think she has gone from being on the dole/living off the state to all of what she has now is spoiling her altogther,i payed a deposit for her to start a nanny/child care course so she can get the qualification for what she needs in her job but she failed to turn up for it,ifeel let down ,and resentful towards her,and i didnt really want her to leave ,but she said she was in april,so in the end i couldnt bear the sight of her,so i said its for the best altogether,so she has been left for about 2 wks,i cant find it in myself to speak to her wich makes it hard to work with her,as she wont take instructions of me at work without attitude,i feel she is fighting to for authority at work ,in a way she is trying to score points to my bosses,which hurts me as i never thought she would ever do that to me,i think its the worst mistake of my life, having got her the job i just thought she would of turnrd her life around for the better many thanks
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

Hello again...Your daughter seems to be the manipulative type of individual and can get everything that she wants unfortunately. You have done so much for her and in fact you also were used to your daughter's advantage. Sometimes as parents, we must release the reigns on our children and simply let them live their lives on their own and learn from their mistakes. Since you find if difficult to talk with your daughter, then you should possibly try writing her a letter explaining how you feel. You might first try calling her on the telephone. Whatever you do, just behave cordially to her at work. The last thing that you want to occur is to make a scene at work. Just let your daughter know that you will always love her as her mother but you are hurt because she has done "XYZ". Give your daughter a chance to respond. if she is really defensive and becomes upset, suggest that you communicate with her at a later time when she has calmed down. It is difficult to change another individual. We can only change our reactions to their circumstances.


Hope this has provided some insight. If you need more assistance, let me know. Thank you.

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