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Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
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My 14 yo and 12 yo daughters dont share much with me - not

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My 14 yo and 12 yo daughters don't share much with me - not about personal things like bras, boys,etc. My 9 yo daughter always talks about boys, approaching puberty... Why aren't my 2 older daughters more open? I worry that maybe I worked too much when they were tiny and they don't feel as close to me to confide in me. I worry that they aren't curious about things, espec. my 14 yo. I talk to them about this but they have no answers. I just get silence if I bring anything up. I know they're not in any trouble - they have no time and I always know where they are between school and 20 hrs a week in ballet. They don't ask me about boys, marriage, having kids, sex, childbirth, finding a mate, but my 9 yo has asked me all these things! I have no mental health problems and I am a family physician so I think I can give them lots of good advice and talk to them about my experiences.
Hello and thanks for consulting JA about your concern,

The differences that you are noticing could be just differences in personality and style. The 14 year old may be a bit immature and not ready to discuss these things or even know what to ask. Your 9 year old, on the other hand, may be more mature intellectually and emotionally. But, even so, people gather information in different ways as well. Some like to ask verbally and discuss and others would rather get informed by reading and researching. So, it may have nothing to do with your relationship. I would suggest 2 things.

In case you still have an intuitive sense that the older girls are more distant, and you would like to change that, spend individual time with them doing something you both enjoy but which is non-threatening. Just enjoy an interest together....take a walk, bake a cake, do an art project, play a game.

The second thing is to make sure that books and other resources are available about growing up, personal values, etc. Give each of the girls a workbook of their own such as Growing Up It's a Girl Thing by Mavis Jukes.

Hope this helps,
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