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Cher, Teacher
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 91
Experience:  Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2
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My 42 year old daughter and I butt heads at every family gathering.

Customer Question

My 42 year old daughter and I butt heads at every family gathering. She always starts the show with a few well pointed insults right after my husband and I get off the plane. We tried to talk it out this Christmas but her "turn" consisted as it always does of all the sins I committed as a mother since the day she was born. Her husband is worse. My husband says "never again!", but they are the parents of our only grandchild age 6. I have asked her for her forgiveness so many times over the years I don't know how else to state it. I've spoken to my pastor and to therapists who all say "she has to work these issues out for herself." I am heartbroken as she now says I will never see my grandson again. Please help.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Have you always had issues with your daughter? Is she your only daughter? Are you and her father still together? What is your relationship like with her husband? Is she a good mother? Do you and your daughter relate well to the other family members in general?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have had issues with my daughter since she was 4 years old when I was required to take her to a child therapist for anger issues as a condition for her to be allowed to stay in preschool. Her issues arose upon the birth of her brother. Their father and I divorced when the kids were 5 and 1 when he became addicted to morphine and other drugs in the early 70's. My relationship with my daughter's husband is not good, although not for lack of trying on my part. The main reason is that he hates his parents, especially his mother and has often said that to my husband and I. My daughter is the sole (and very successful) breadwinner in the family and my 6 year old grandson is primarily being raised by my son-in-law as my daughter's career takes her out of town so often. When she is home, she spoils the little guy rotten giving in to his every whim, but he still is a pretty good kid. My husband and I have been married for over 25 years and he essentially raised my two kids. They relate well to him and vice versa. However after some of things my daughter said this Christmas, she now has severely impaired her relationship with my husband. (Example: "You (me) were happy to get cancer so you could get all that new attention." That didn't set well with my husband.) My daughter and son have a love-hate relationship; sometimes they get along, sometimes they don't. Sibling rivalry has always dominated the issues, but only on my daughter's side. My son says he just leaves her alone until she is restored to sanity. I am a retired attorney and I specialized in juvenile law. I myself counsel parents of troubled teenagers and I am also a retired high school teacher. Which makes this all the more maddening: I have looked for resources but they all seem to deal with how to handle a difficult older mother; not how to deal with a difficult adult daughter.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Hold the fort! I was charged before I got an answer back!
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
I will contact the moderators about the issue of already being charged.