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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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My 18 year old step son moved home 4 months ago. My condition

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My 18 year old step son moved home 4 months ago. My condition (with my husband) for his moving home was that he get a full time job. This still has not happened and has caused some difficulties between my husband and I as I have and 18 year old daughter and 15 year old son - both of whom are in private schools and working very hard - while my step son likes to sleep in, play video games, and skateboard with this friends. Money does not seem to motivate him and he doesn't seem to grasp the concept that people need to obtain skills in order to find a job and become responsible for themselves. We would like to send him to college, but he says he's not interested (he did earn his GED over the summer - he had dropped out of school in the 10th grade about a month after my husband and I got married). My husband is very close to telling him he needs to get a job, and keep it, or move out. My husband hesitates to do this because he is afraid he WILL move out and we will have less influence over him. We would both like to find a way to positively motivate him, but as I said, there isn't anything he seems to want. Suggestions?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

Your step son is of the legal age of an adult and should be treated as such. He realizes that life is really easy for him and sees no reason to work hard. Your husband must put his foot down and stand by his words or else nothing will change. Your step son is simply being extremely stubborn. It is really hard to change other people. We can only change ourselves and our reactions to the actions of others. Your husband should have a heart to heart conversation with your step son and find out what he wants to do with his life. Provide him with the choice again of either finding a job, going to college, or moving out...although the latter may be very painful. Give him a few more months to accomplish his decision and stand by the necessary actions. Sometimes tough love must be enforced on adult children to make them wake up and take on more responsibilities.


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