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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I need help. My son prefers his dad over me, he is 6. We

Customer Question

I need help. My son prefers his dad over me, he is 6. We are divorced and he always wants extra time with his dad. Which normally I allow to happen unless I have plans. My ex is not exactly a role model (no job, no motivation). He purchases everything my son wants as far as toys (he has welfare money and unemployment). These are the reasons, among others, I made him leave. However I felt it important to keep him in his sons life, so custody is 50/50. His dad pays for nothing that he is supposed to help with. It hurts because my son says I hurt his dad and made him move out, but he doesn't understand why. The only thing I say is "your daddy made some bad choices and we couldn't work it out". Do I just let him stay with his dad whenever he wants to or do I force him to spend the time with me. I don't want to make my son feel guilty about spending time with his dad (which he knows I'm sad when he wants to change time, so I fear that I do), will he eventually see that I love him and am a better parent for letting his dad go? Please help and advise for those who have gone through this.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

It is important for your son to spend time with his dad despite your personal feelings toward your ex. Be thankful that your son and your ex have a great relationship and that your ex wants to be a part of his son's life. If you deny your son the opportunity to spend time with his father, he may begin to develop social and behavioral problems that may manifest themselves in school. If your son is happy seeing his dad, then let the relationship continue. For now while your son is young, you have to cast your feelings aside and do everything in the best interest of your son. Make the most of the times that you have with your son. I have heard from many parents that have raised sons, that they will become closer to their mothers in the teen age years. He will come around and be thankful for all that you do for him. However he is young now and cannot express those types of feelings. Just continue to be the loving and most supportive parent that you can be. Everything will work out in time.


Hope this helps. ACCEPT if you desire. POSITIVE FEEDBACK is appreciated as well. If you need more assistance, simply request Erica.13. Have a great evening.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I don't want to squash the relationship, that is not my intent. Otherwise I would have filed for full custody.I think it is imperative that he have that relationship. My question lies in my hurt. It hurts that he wants to be with the parent who gives him everything he wants, when I'm trying my best to make him responsible. It's especially painful when the ex rubs in the fact that he wants to be with him more. It also hurts that my son just blames me for the divorce. I just want to know that the love I have for my son, he will eventually see and that him and I will have a close loving bond.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
You will never be able to change your ex and his actions. You can only change yourself and your reactions to your ex. It is going to be a painful journey if you allow it to be. But it does not have to be painful. Accept the reality for what it is. If you are having difficulty coming to grips with your hurtful feelings, then I would suggest on going counseling from a neutral source who can give you some coping strategies A family therapist or psychologist can really assist you in this matter. Take the first step and make a simple phone call and you will be on your journey to a happier and peaceful life.

Edited by Erica.13 on 12/23/2010 at 3:40 AM EST