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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Children are too aggressive and forgetfull. what do I do

Customer Question

Children are too aggressive and forgetfull. what do I do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

Hello...How old are the children? In what manner are they aggressive? How are they forgetful?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I am keeping a day care with my mom. Children are between 6 months to 5 years old. They never share toys. They hit each other with hard toys. They push and pull each other, Constantly complaining about each other. Screaming from about 8 in the morning till 2 pm. I said they are forgetfull because no manner how many times I told them that we need to share toys, because sharing is caring, that we need to care about each other. That hitting someone is painfull and that it can cause to injury. etc. They forget what I just said the same minute.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

What are the specific ages of all the children and how many children are there in all? How many adults are present with the children? Are the children ever grouped by ages?

Do you daily specific routines established?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Children are between 6 months to 5 years old. About 12 to 13 kids. sometimes up to 15 kids. Laughing
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
2 to 3 adults. I do not see how would be possible to gather them in groups. They do not listen, or maybe do not comprehen what's being asked of them. daily routines established. they almost never work.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
It sounds like there are too many children present when you have up to 15 including infants. Would you like advice on how to improve their listening skills or possibly how to implement behavior modification techniques?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Please Laughing
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

I think that you should focus more on the positive behavior that the children are exhibiting. If they continue misbehaving, start taking away favorite toys. There must be consequences for their misbehavior. When the students do something well, reward them with a sticker. Make a REALLY big deal about good behavior. You can even have a sticker chart that lists all the children's names. In a given week, when children have received 5 stickers, at the end of the week, they could receive a special, certificate, ice cream party, etc. The children who have not received the 5 stickers would not participate in the special activity.


You are going to have to focus less on the negative and concentrate on the positive. I am sure that the children do something great some of the time. Make others an example when they manifest the correct behavior. The other children will begin to get the message.


When the children do misbehave, just tell them what they should be doing ---and move on. If they are physically hurting one another, remove them from the situation and or remove the object that was causing the problem.


When they are not listening, it is time for them to refocus. Do not yell and scream. Have all of the children stop what they are doing and discuss the situations. They may need to put their heads down on the tables for a few minutes and then listen to a story. When things are getting out of control, you MUST gain the control back. If you are yelling and screaming and getting upset, then that is the model that they are going to follow.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I tried rewarding them, if they listened, one of them said, oh that's ok, I don't need your sticker, or the candy. then everyone repeating after that kid and went away, to the playroom to continue jump, scream, yell at each other and throwing toys at each other. I have the responsibility chart for them. I explained what that is of course. They did the same thing. They said: Oh that's ok, we don't need it. And left to their playroom.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Don't get me wrong, I love children, I enjoy working with them so much. I learn a lot from them. But you don't know our children, Laughing they do not care if you take away their favorite toys, They will start breaking stuff around the place. They do not hear or listen.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Could you also help me by telling me what kind of examples can I give them, or explain to them what's respecting one another.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

Have you gotten the parents involved of these children? Are they aware of the behavior? It astonishes me that they can all be so disrespectful. Is there a ring leader amongst the group?


You have to take some steps backward and take the toys away so they can not break them. If they have to sit quietly for several minutes throughout the day because of their bad behavior, then they must do so.


To teach respect, you can continue to role play. Use puppets to maintain their attention. They can even be involved in the role playing. With the puppets, show them instances inappropriate telling, screaming, and breaking toys and then the correct way to behave. This must be a continuous process. Also, read interactive books about children who misbehaved and have the children answer questions about the story.


Are the children bored at the child care? Are there enough stimulating activities to keep them engaged or do they just eat, sleep, and play? For the age of the children that you have to watch, every day must be carefully planned out as well so they they are always busy.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
To be honest with you parents don't seem to want to get involved. We don't want to complain about their kids behavior. Some parents asked me If I could keep their children for 24/7. Others say: awww but they are just too little to talk to. Others say: what are you here for as a day care provider, aren't you getting paid for our kids, so just do your job.
Me talking to them and role playing does not seem to be enough. Today, I followed your advice on having discussion about not hitting each other with toys, otherwise I will take them away. So what they did was hitting, pushing and pulling each other physically, again coming up to me and complain about each other. After having discussion with them, they repeated same thing in less than 2 minutes. I had another discussion with them. They seem to like calling me for the discussion by continuing hurting each other. There is more than enough activity games and developing games for us to play, dance and sing nursery rhymes, draw or paint, play playdoh, make projects. I work with them for a few hours, They don't let me take a rest for even a few minutes. What else can I do. I thank you so much for being there for me for giving me such good advices Laughing
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
I am working on your request. I have not forgotten about you. So you do not have the necessary parent Why would the parents ask you to keep the children 24/7? Does your day care get any federal assistance? Are the parents paying for the day care or are they receiving assistance? Have your children been identified with any behavioral disorders or other impairments? Would you say that your day care is out of control? I am trying to target where the problem may reside in order to further assist you.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I do not know why would parents ask me to keep them in our day care for 24/7, I am guessing because it's kids behavior, also they come from work really tired, they just want to take some rest. We do not receive any federal assistance. Some parents pay, some have government assistance. Very often children get out of control. I do not know how to deal with their serious behavioral issue. When I showed them how should we respect one another, I used puppets, What they did was laugh about how puppets were arguing or fighting. I expained what should be done. They said to me: "do the fighting again".
One of the kids pushed the other kid because they did not share the toy. I explained a few times that we need to share toys, play without pushing each other. I sat down and played with them. had a discussion. The second I left to bring the diaper to change the baby. they started push and pull each other again. I took that kid to the kitchen and asked to have a sit on the chair. He asked me if he could go back to the playroom. I said : if you go, u will promise me u will not fight with children. He repeated: can I go to the playroom. I asked him again: will you fight again. He repeated: can I go to playroom. I let him go. And everyone started fighting again. What else can I do?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Since you have multiple age groups in your day care, I would suggest that you have more structure and keep them actively involved in something to help prevent boredom and frustration which is causing them to act out. Try to develop some fun new activities that get them interacting with you in a positive way. You need to regain control and build a positive rapport with them so they will cooperate with you. Try to be proactive and prevent problems before they start. Be consistent and positive. Instead of raising your voice, lower it, and make them strain to hear you. If you have free play, it should not last more than 15 minutes. Free play is your chance to set up the next activity. Turn the older kids into helpers. Involve them and make them feel responsible and helpful. You may need additional adult assistance so that the children can be divided into groups as well.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I know I do my best. Laughing

Since you are not here to see how unique is every kid with their attitude and character. It is almost impossible to gather everyone, Everyone wants to be able to do whatever they want. never told anything. Not everyone wants to play. Not everyone wants to listen to fairytale or engage in developing activities, etc. I tried to turn the older kids into helpers, Now they act that they can boss every kid around. Most kids do not seem to comprehend what is being asked, even If I show them and explain. Others seem to refuse to understand. Laughing
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
You have stated that every child is unique. Then you must build upon those charactersistics. You also cannot allow everyone to do whatever they desire. That is a lack of structure. The chaos will continue. When everyone does not want to play, then the children are controlling the situation. When the other children are bossing others around, you must gain control. You must step in and change things around. The children have to be taught and retrained as to what you expect. It will not happen overnight. It may take weeks or even months as long as you are consistent and follow through with consequences. You are the adult. You have the authority. You have the sole power to make the changes. What is holding you back?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I will follow your advice, Thank you very much. Laughing

I don't always know how to change things around, if not everyone would like to engage in any kind of game. They may stay with me for a few seconds and then leave.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Just keep at it and follow all of the advice that I have given. If the children only stay with you for a few minutes, try to regain their attention and interest. Just be patient, consistent, and persistent. I would be curious how you are doing in a few months. If you need assistance in the future, just ask for Erica.13 in the beginning of your question. I hope that I have provided you with some insight. If so, please ACCEPT. POSITIVE FEEDBACK is appreciated as well. Have a great evening and a good holiday.Cool
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I appreciated it. Laughing

Could you also help me by how to go about my own children? I have two girls of my own. The youngest will turn 11, jan 5. oldest is 15 and a half. I understand my oldest one is a teenager. I still do not accept her lying to me. Me myself I was born and raised in a part of Russia for 18 years. Our children are raised in a very strict manner, They listen to their parents period. They do not have choice. There was once when I lied to my mom. I went out with my ex friend, but I told my mom that I will stay home or something. It looked like I ran away. My mom was a teacher back in Russia and knew how to make me realize that I should be ashamed of myself for lying to her. I felt very guilty for a very long time. I wanted to get her trust back as soon as possible. With sometime I did, and that made me feel so much better. I never ever lied to her again. I asked her before I did anything. Teenagers here are very difficult to deal with. They have all the freedom in the world, and I think that's what drives them nuts. My oldest daughter was accepted into one of the best schools of NY. I am proud of her, But now she is changing. She is trying to try stuff like smoking or go to hooka bars. she wishes I never ask her to come home sooner than 10 or 11 pm. She comes home late sometimes without letting me know, She has a cell phone, she would not pick up on me sometimes. Sometimes it' would get so late, I did not know where to find her. I called 911. She wants to be able to come home whenever she wants. Stay at her friends for overnight. She accidentally uses the foul language and than say, oops. She wears clothes that are a little too provocative. She'll never help me around the apt by cleaning, shopping or laundry. I try to be her mom and her friend I am trully happy she trusts me and shares with me. I just don't know how as much correctly I can let her know that what kind of life she would like to live is not going to benefit her. She would not listen to anyone. Even her dad, Her dad and I divorced about 10 years ago. she says he did not raise her, why should she listen to him. And he kind of frightened her that if continues misbehaving he will cut her hair bold to make her less attractive. She got really scared, but now she says she never ever wants to see him or speak to him. She said she refuses to listen to anyone. I care about her so much. and if g-d forbid anything happens to her. I do not know what I'll do. What hurts me the most is that she hates her own sister because she is overwheight. If you only knew, she was born this little angel that always listened to me. My youngest daughter can't stop eating. And she would eat mostly fatening stuff that her school serves. She'll be eating at my mom's place, because I try to have mostly fruits and vegetables at home. I explained to her what can that much food do to her and her doctor explained, she would get even angrier.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

For your older daughter, you must impose consequences when she misbehaves and lies. Take her cell phone away for a while. Who gives her money for the provocative clothes? Tell her that if her behavior does not improve then she will have to live with her Dad. Maybe she really should!!! Tell her that you demand respect from her and she must abide by the rules of the house. You are allowing her to run over you in a fashion like the daycare children who are in control. Although I do not know you personally, you are probably the kindest woman in the world but you are being taken advantage of by your older daughter and the daycare children. Do you personally have a lot of self esteem? You must gather the strength to set limits in all areas of your life. You seem to have a very caring and nurturing disposition. Have you ever thought about counseling for yourself? Somewhere along the line, you have become the victim. The daycare kids are in control, your oldest daughter is in control, and I am wondering if your ex husband was in control as well. Reassess the problems in your life. Focus on the aspects that you can change and control. Additionally, with your younger daughter, she should be monitored by a physician. Overweight children around her age are at higher risks for diabetes. She should have some lab work done (blood tests) and her thyroid checked. There may be an underlying condition besides her affinity toward food.


Hope this has shed some light on your situation. Please ACCEPT so that I may be compensated for my efforts. A BONUS is also a nice way to say Thank You. POSISTVE FEEDBACK is appreciated as well. Have a great Holiday.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I appreciate your advices so much. Laughing

Could you explain to me about this one more time. I am not too clear.

Please ACCEPT so that I may be compensated for my efforts. A BONUS is also a nice way to say Thank You. POSISTVE FEEDBACK is appreciated as well.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

If you have been pleased with the services that I have provided, then you may click the ACCEPT button and I will receive payment accordingly to the value of your question in your first post.


You can also add a BONUS if desired.


Additionally, you will have a chance to leave feedback. I do appreciate POSITIVE FEEDBACK.


Thank you for allowing me to assist you. You can always request Erica.13 in your question for future assistance.

proexpert37 and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
You are sweetheart Erica Thank you very much. Laughing
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Where would I go to leave positive feedback?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Hi there. How are you doing today?

I am writing to you asking to give me advice once again.

Well, it's my oldest daughter, because her daddy yelled at her for coming home late after school all the time, and lying about where she was. She never ever wants to see or speak to him. She also told me that even if she visits him at his place. He asks her to help him clean around his house. She does not want to do it. What do we do?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

Hi..good to hear from you again. How long has your daughter felt this way toward her father? What is the relationship normally like between your oldest daughter and her father?