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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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My daughter doesnt go to school. She knows its important

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My daughter doesn't go to school. She knows it's important but keeps missing classes. She is 17 and behind in her credits as it is. I can't make her go because she doesn't listen to me. She just does what she wants.. Help!

I would suggest that you contact your daughter's counselor at school. All high school students are usually assigned one. With your daughter not attending school, she will be considered truant. The counselor can direct you as to the necessary steps that need to be taken.


Is there a dad at home? Just curious...


I would suggest that you seek professional counseling in dealing with your daughter . You could receive assistance from a neutral source and receive intervention and coping strategies since she will not listen to you.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Yes, she has a father at home. We have spoke with her counseller and at this point I think they would prefer me to remove her from school. She has tried an alternative program and that didn't work. She had poor attendance last year and started this year off with a good start but last week she started with her old habit again. I need advise on how to deal with this. Should I just except the fact that she doesn't want to go to school and pull her out. I don't want to do that but the school will continue to harass us because of her attendance.

We have tried counselling and we as parents are to be more positive with her which we have done. I just need some advise on how to get her back on track before it's too late.


Your daughter needs to be in school. Do not give in to her desires. For the most part, school will keep her out of trouble while she is there. I am curoius as to why an alternative program did not work? If you are financially able, you could try a more boot camp approach of a school where her freedom would be very limited. She needs more structure in her life. If you pull her out of school completely, she gets the freedom that she craves. Do not allow her to be a high school drop out. Could she possibly go to high school on a reduced schedule? Could she get a part time job somewhere as well? It sounds like you and her dad are both caring parents who want to see your daughter make something out of her life.


Have an open and honest discussion with your daughter about what she wants to do and then state your opinions about what you would like her to do. Attempt to reach a solution that you all can live with. She is at the age where her input does matter because you do not want to make her feel isolated and/or threatened.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I totally agree I don't want her to drop out but the school isn't going to tolerate her attendance any longer. The alternative program didn't work because of the students that were in attendance some she didn't get along with and after completing the program she felt she was ready to go back to regular classes.

The school has allowed her to drop a course each semester. She's so behind in her credits she'll have to go back for a another year and by then she'll be 18 and the school will probably just expell her for her truancies.

She does have a part-time job and is doing well but that could change too!

She avoids me and doesn't want to talk because she knows she's in the wrong. All I ask is that she go to school get her credits and get a job. Since September she did all those things except for being late every morning. The only other thing I ask is for her to be home by 10 on school nights. Other than that she is free to do what she wants. This is what we agreed on and now she's going back to the same habits. Her friend that she hangs out with doesn't help the situation.

What types of boot camps do you suggest. Do you think a 17 yr old would go voluntarily? If I suggest that she would just not go and avoid me all together....


Your daughter probably would not go to a boot camp environment school. I was thinking of something more along the lines of a boarding school where she would stay for a week and have the opportunity to come home only during vacations and on the weekends.


Is it possible for her to finish up her credits at a Junior College as well?


She must become more focused. Ask her what she sees herself doing in a year, 5 years, 10 years...


I think it will be your responsibility to get her to become much more focused. Do not continue to allow her to have so much freedom. There must be limits established.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I can't control her she just doesn't listen if we tell her we want her to stay home she just leaves or if she's to be home by 10:00 and knows she's going to get told she just doesn't come home. She doesn't have a cell phone we don't give her any money or a bus pass. We will drive her to school and work.

There is an adult learning school that she can go to when she's 18 but what if she doesn't do well there?

She does talk about what she wants to do at this point it's to finish high school. It has been 5 days now and she hasn't been at school and has not called home since Sunday. How long do I let this go on? What am I suppose to be doing? Should I go to the friends house and drag her out? What if she doesn't want to go?

Your daughter is in a state of rebellion. She is also influenced by peer attitudes. There seems to be a deeper rooted problem as to why she behaves the way she does. You should probably seek professional outside opinions such as from a psychologist to help yourself and your daughter on a continuous basis. You need on going intervention and coping strategies. Somehow, you need to negotiate with your daughter and find solutions that you can both live with. You cannot control your daughter's behavior. You can only control your own.
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